Don’t Stand So Close To Me

How do you begin a blog about not allowing people in without sounding broken or cruel? How do I convey I’m aware I don’t allow people behind my guarded walls, but I’m not entirely committed to changing this character trait? Is it possible to loosen some barriers and feel okay with that vulnerability? Sure.

It’s eerie becoming an adult and recognizing character traits that resemble your parents. My dad could tell a story like no other, be the life of a party, mingle with people from all walks of life, and in particular social settings have seemingly many friends/acquaintances.

In the same ball of fire his personality swirled in, was a man who dedicated his life to providing for his family, loyal to death, didn’t spend free time at the bar socializing with friends and let very little people into his personal bubble. His wife and kids were the only ones who mattered and everything he did was solely based on their/our well-being.

And for many other reasons, he was my number one role model.

As I’ve matured I’ve become aware I have turned into a miniature version of my childhood hero. I have many acquaintances and know a lot of people, in part to moving frequently thus far in life. There are some I put up with and some I generally like to catch-up with, but I wouldn’t say I have a best friend. 

And I don’t let people into my bubble, easily.

I’m not opposed to having a girls night every once in awhile, but I’m cool with a once-in-awhile-one-on-one meet up for dinner and interesting conversation (maybe that’s adulthood?). I don’t feel like I’m missing out by not having friends I’ve known since birth or living close to family and relatives.

Not saying it would be terrible to have family or friend support, but I’m not lost without it either. It’s just not something I’m used to, so as I’ve aged and moved around on my own, it’s not abnormal for me. Though, it is considered strange by others and almost impossible to explain without sounding like a sad puppy dog.

But I’m okay, and I find it to be more of a strength than a weakness. And maybe that’s annoying to some because they don’t get it. 

I admired the dedication my dad gave his family and now that I have a husband and two furry babies of my own, I’m living by example. Aren’t there worse things in the world I could be, than a semi-hermit? I don’t think so.

I’ve learned to weaken the barriers for family. And I think that’s good enough.


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