True Life: I know A Couple Narcissists and you probably do, too. No need to panic though, you’ll find out soon enough who you need to start distancing yourself from by the end of this blog.
I read this article the other day about 20 diversion tactics highly manipulative narcissists use to silence you. It caught my attention for two reasons, the first major reason being curiosity. What do narcissists do to be labeled as narcissists?
And the second reason can be broken up into two separate questions.
- Do I do any of these diversion tactics; OH NO, AM I A NARCISSIST?
- Do I know anyone who fits the description?
After reading the article I realized, a narcissist probably wouldn’t be interested in reading an article about narcissists because he/she IS a narcissist. How many time can I say narcissist?!
So good news guys, I’m most likely NOT a narcissist and neither are you, but I bet you know one, or two.
The first diversion tactic the article listed was Gaslighting, and never realized this act of distortion had a name.
Gaslighting is best described using these three phrases, “That didn’t happen,” “Are you crazy,” or “You imagined it.” It works because it makes you shift your focus inward and question your own reality. A manipulative person will spend time convincing you your memory is false due to some type of disfunction on your end and that their version is un-doubtfully the truth.
Have you made it past round one yet? I didn’t and immediately could peg someone who uses this tactic. But, I could’t jump to conclusions. This was published on the Internet and it’s only tactic number one, so I continued.
Projection: consistently avoiding realization about own personal shortcomings and doing everything possible to not be held accountable for those shortcomings and negative traits.
Wait a second, my list just went from 1 to 20 in a matter of minutes, this can’t be right.
While we all engage in projection to some extent, according to Narcissistic Personality clinical expert Dr. Martinez-Lewi, the projections of a narcissist are often psychologically abusive. Rather than acknowledge their own flaws, imperfections and wrongdoings, malignant narcissists and sociopaths opt to dump their own traits on their unsuspecting suspects in a way that is painful and excessively cruel. Instead of admitting that self-improvement may be in order, they would prefer that their victims take responsibility for their behavior and feel ashamed of themselves. This is a way for a narcissist to project any toxic shame they have about themselves onto another.
And just like that we’re back down to one, but growing to a possible two.
Projection is best explained as a cheating spouse accusing the other spouse of lying because of their own guilty conscious.
3. Nonsensical conversations from hell. I absolutely appreciate the way Thought Catalog described this phenomenon because it’s to the tee. When trying to engage in thoughtful and mindful conversation with a sociopath, be prepared for an epic mind-fuck.
Crap, my list has definitely grown to two people.
Manipulative people will throw out a bunch of jumbled and random nonsense at you during conversation they don’t agree with. You get so wound up with all the random bomb droppings that you waste energy rebutting their distractions and forget about the real reason you started the conversation, which was probably confrontational in the manipulative person’s eyes.
GUYS I’VE CHECKED OFF THE FIRST THREE TACTICS, I DON’T THINK I CAN GO ON…
Just kidding, I did go on, and those two people I had in mind are most defiantly bordering on sociopath/narcissist levels, with a definite manipulative gene. So if you have someone in your life, continue to read the article on Thought Catalog.
How do you deal with someone who is narcissistic/ sociopathic or highly manipulative?
Don’t engage, or engage once and then be silent.
If the manipulative person in your life is unavoidable, than keep the ‘one and done’ rule in mind. You don’t have to justify every nitty gritty detail they have twisted.
If this person can’t be escaped, then rebut on your own terms. Say it well, once, and then let it go, even if they continue to dig at you for more response. Don’t engage. It’s what they want and remember:
You can’t have a rational conversation with an irrational person
Believe me, I’ve had practice and the one and done rule works.
There used to be a time I would waste energy battling out every detail and defending the truth (my truth). Then, I realized how much energy I was wasting on people who had no control over my life as a whole.
Their opinion doesn’t matter, so why fight it? Their belief’s don’t dictate my day to day.
Toxic people’s perceptions don’t dictate your reality. Don’t let their high ph levels ruin your good time.