I am driven by guilt, anxiety and a hefty amount of self-doubt. Instead of taking a pause to really understand a situation, consider how I’m feeling or take a breather for the sake of sanity, I plow straight through.
And I don’t want to plow, plow, plow, until I’m old and grey. My New Year’s resolution is going to be different than previous promises. Yes, eating healthier and losing some holiday weight is on the “list” but that’s only a small bullet point in my encompassing idea.
A new vibe is finally here and I’m ready for it to send shock waves through this year! #nerdalert
My 2018 New Year Resolution:
1. Tossing Out My Rulebook
Nobody got anywhere by following the damn rules 100-percent of the time and surely I can ignore the lame ass ones I’ve created that constrict my ebb and flow.
For example: how come I think it’s necessary to have a plan (complete with every possible outcome, good and bad) before taking the plunge? Constantly worrying about when the bottom will fall out does nothing but stress me out, which historically has led to not taking the plunge.
Your girl can pick up and move to a new city and state at the drop of a hat, but can’t invest in her own aspirations, dreams and personal goals.
So fuck it, I’m failing forward, which leads to bullet number two.
2. Creating Chaos Is For The Birds
When you fill your cup up with bullshit that doesn’t do anything for your being, it’s easy to burnout.
I don’t want to be the overworked (due to her own character flaw that makes her take on all the responsibilities and projects, because she feels an overwhelming need to prove herself no matter how successful) thirty-something who has their midlife crisis early, quits their job and runs off to an island somewhere to sell yarn bracelets to tourists.
There will be nobody to blame but myself if I end up selling woven jewlery to vacationing families in Fiji, because I’m aware I need to slow down (professionally) if I want to make it to the end of the race. Being successful at work means knowing when to say no, even if that no is mostly directed at yourself.
For example: I have a terrible habit of creating new (and HUGE) projects for myself and enjoy layering each one on top of one another until the self created chaos is almost unbearable for any human to manage–for visual purposes, imagine one person balancing 15 spinning plates with a smile on their face.
The amount of work I can achieve dictates my self worth and I’m leaving that unhealthy thought process in 2017, for good. There’s no need to be the best at everything because it’s impossible, so cheers to accepting I’m not Wonder Woman and never really wanted to be super-human in the first place.
3. Burning My Daily Routine
Blocking out every moment of your day, week and month does nothing but create more anxiety. If I schedule out my every day I’m not living and may as well be a robot.
Yeah, yeah, the key to success is sticking to a good routine, but not if your routine is jam packed and impossible to withstand the test of time, we all need routine R&R so our best self can go on and conquer the world.
For example: every morning I jog 1.5 miles with my dogs at a local park. In the evenings after work I do weight training, spin classes, yoga, pilates or the dreaded Tuesday leg day. Now tack on striving to keep a consistent healthy diet, spending time with my husband, reading all the books I want to read, writing three blogs a week and keeping a running tab of all the things I want to do but haven’t due to exhaustion and/or self-doubt.
When I don’t follow my own schedule, in walks guilt and negative thoughts about how worthless I am for not following my own recipe for success. But guess what? Everything in moderation, duh!
I’m stopping the two-a-days because it has done nothing but turn me into a lazy runner and half-ass Susie. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing, balls to the wall or pedal to the metal 24 hours a day 7 days a week. The rat race is dissatisfying.
What’s the point of keeping a schedule that can’t withstand the test of time because It’s impossible to keep up with and will only make you feel worse?
4. Give Grace
“How can we be expected to properly judge ourselves? We know all of our worst secrets. We are biased, over critical and occasionally filled with shame. So you’ll just have to trust me when I say that you are worthy, important and necessary. And smart.” – Jenny Lawson.
Over the next 365 days I’m probably going to eat a couple cookies, not want to get out of bed for anything active, and let negative thinking fog my own creativity with a few other over critical ridiculousness sprinkled in.
I want to accept myself with a kinder internal voice and embrace the good and bad. As life has shown me throughout the years it can suck the big one, but I always manage to climb my way back up and that’s what is important to remember.
And here’s a few more that I couldn’t pair with a bolded heading:
- Truly not worrying about what others think or say about me when I’m not around
- Focusing on what ‘fills me up’ – i.e. writing, hiking, eating Banzai Bowls, watching movies with my Husband and exploring new activities
- Letting other’s ‘feelings’ be their feelings and not take them on as my own
- Listen to the little voice in my head I’ve stifled for the last 15 years–I know how to drive the car so self-doubt can take a permeant seat in the fucking back
2018 you better be ready for me, because I’ve been waiting to feel like this for 28 years.