I Didn’t Have To Worry About You

Letting this one out of limbo, too. I was afraid any of my family reading would take this too personal, or misinterpret it in a harmful way so I kept it in the draft pile.

But that damn This Is Us episode really hit me in the feels, and I don’t want those emotions to hide because what if some of you haven’t seen the episode and this makes you feel some sort of comfort, too?

This was the morning after I watched it, so some of my thoughts are sporadic and choppy. Who doesn’t love a good, raw, blog post?

Man, who needs therapy when This Is Us seems to be hitting the nail on the head so accurately? I’m currently catching up on Season 2 and finally made it to episode 11, and WOWZA did the family therapy session tear my ass a new one! #allthetears #criedlikeababy

For those of you who don’t know: Kevin is in court-ordered rehab and when the family comes to visit, they are all asked to join him in a family therapy session. The audience knows how much emotional turmoil the family has faced with Jack’s death and at this point, we’re all holding our breath waiting to see what will be revealed.

And BAM,  Kevin begs Rebecca (his Mom) to admit she loved her other kids more and after a lot of commotion between all three kids and Rebecca, she (Mom) yells, “they were easier to love and didn’t recoil when I touched them!”

Later, Kevin and Rebecca have a one-on-one where she explains he was always the strong one, the brave one, and she thought there was no need to worry about him, but that now she can see she was wrong.

Cue ugly crying and hyperventilating. 

This hit a little to close to home for me because I think there is a good chance I held my mom accountable all these years for not “caring enough” about me while growing up. Most of her attention went to my other two siblings, and it left me feeling like I wasn’t a part of the group. Which for the record, is really weird to see written down. 

Rebecca’s line, “you were always the brave one, the strong one and always okay. I didn’t have to worry about you,” translated to, “you’ve always had a good head on your shoulders,” which is what my mom would say about me.

Where’s Oprah, I just had my ah-ha moment.


It’s not over because the fat lady hasn’t sung, and there’s still one more moment that went too deep…

Kevin is expressing his truth towards his mother when Randall steps in and says he’s “had enough,” and loudly defends his mom against Kevin’s accusations. Randall continues to scold Kevin for his behavior, proclaims they had a great childhood and will not tolerate another defamatory word being thrown towards their Mom.

Naturally, Kevin shuts down and the rest of the session goes to hell in a handbasket.

But then, Randall’s apology afterward is fireeeeeee. “I’ve been wearing glasses my whole life and this is how I see it,” he begins, “every kid sees their childhood through a different lens, and I didn’t come here to crap all over yours.”

Holly hell. How do they know?!

My siblings and I aren’t the closest, we love each other from a distance because that’s what we’re all comfortable with, I think. And I’ve always questioned the reality I remember growing up because I know they wouldn’t necessarily agree with all aspects of how I felt as a kid.

…we all see our childhood through a different lens…

Listen, everybody has a baggage they carry from their own upbringing, to claim you don’t is only doing yourself a disservice. For the most part, I have unpacked mine.

Some wounds were easier to bandage than others. There’s no need to cry over spilled milk or continue to hold a grudge because they should’ve done it differently. We’re all doing our best.

RamblinRandol - (2)




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