(One of) the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received was actually scribbled on a stock image and re-shared on Facebook by an old high school friend (thanks, Kaylin!). The second my eyes finished reading the final word, an audible “oh” escaped my lips while a simultaneous explosion erupted in my head and heart.
The quote? “Stop expecting you from people.”
Read it again, “Stop. Expecting. YOU. From. People.”
These five words strung together forced me to address a hard truth. The disappointment I experience with the same individuals over and over again is on me. And I’ve narrowed it down to two scenarios that consistently get me into trouble…
I feel disappointed when people don’t respond with the same care (empathy) or tenacity to problem-solve when conflict undoubtedly arises. I’m pretty good at setting aside my hurt feelings to “talk it out” and better understand the other party but it’s painful when the same isn’t reciprocated.
Reminder: Other. People. Aren’t. Me. I will always feel disappointed if I continue to believe everyone has my same mindset. If I’m constantly being hurt by the same party, it is up to me to change the pattern. How do you change a pattern? React differently.
Maybe you’re thinking, “No, no, no. I just want people to be the best that they can be.” Yeah, same, but nope. This is simply code for, “I hold people to high standards and expect their best,” which is the second scenario that gets me into trouble with disappointments.
What if I told you people are doing the best they can, would it change the way you engage with them? It doesn’t matter if their level of best isn’t the same as yours…accepting this is the best they can give, lets you both off the hook.
Maya Angelou once said in an interview with Oprah, “When people show you who they are, believe them.”
Reminder: Stop wishing people “better” and pay attention to who they’re showing you to be and accept it. Also, who am I to decide what their best is? If I don’t want to be measured by other people’s expectations then need to stop holding others to mine.
All I know is when I remind myself people are doing the best they can, my life is a lot better off for it.
May we all learn to stop falling prey to expectations of all proportions and focus on what is.
Now tell me, what’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received? Tell me in the comments. The more the merrier, and you never know who might need to read it. So, get sharing! ❤️
ps: No, this isn’t the original graphic that initially rocked my world. Unfortunately, I didn’t bookmark, screenshot, or save it. This one I made specifically for me and you. Please feel free to save and share when the timing feels right. ✌️
RamblinRandol is an open letter on how I’m growing through what I’ve been through. And like Maya Angelou said, “the ache for home lives in all of us…” It’s time for me to feel at home in my own skin.
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