“You got my fire burning the last time we talked, and I wanted to make sure I said thank you.”
A few days ago I was talking to a girlfriend who has been going through a rough spot in her marriage and feeling suffocated in the pits of loneliness. Unfortunately we are in different time zones, otherwise it would call for a night of wine and pjs.
Our regular conversations have grown a bit sadder each time she answers the phone. Instead of having a rough day she has rough months and little fights or arguments last just as long.
I listen, offer advice if it’s appropriate and most importantly, reassure her she’s very capable of figuring it all out.
Two conversations ago I got the urge to drive home the idea she needed to focus on herself for a change and do something that was solely beneficial to her. She pressed back saying she wasn’t the same person I knew back in Virginia when both our husbands served, “not as strong or independent.”
Not wanting to push too hard but feeling obligated as a friend to push a little harder to give her some perspective, I did.
” You are that same person, she’s just buried underneath the surface and digging her out is going to be tougher but she’s still there,” I said. “Focus on something that makes only you happy. You’re allowed to do that for yourself.
I think it’s tough to focus on yourself as a woman, we have this overwhelming need to make sure our people are okay–husbands, children, etc. Sometimes we need permission or a consistent reminder it’s okay to do something solely beneficial for ourselves.
She’s also a stay-at-home Mom, and I think it’s safe to say she feels isolated but also terrible she doesn’t feel satisfied with being “just a Mom.”
This is important, and I try to remind my friend whenever I can. It doesn’t make you a bad Mom if you want to do other non-Mom things, same visa-versa. We’re all built different, your needs aren’t the same as Susie Susan’s and it’s okay.
Choose to be happy.
Today I got a phone call from the same friend, asking for help to promote her photography business online. I happily walked her through the steps and answered all of her questions, with a promise to help her whenever she needed.
“What you said finally made sense to me. I’ve been busy the last couple of days beefing up my yearly and monthly goals, thank you.”
She sounded happier, and I was ecstatic to hear it in her voice. It had been too long.
Sometime we just need a push. A little friendly reminder it’s okay to Do It For You.