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Tony Robbins Mic Drop Part II

“Which parent did you crave love from the most…” and, “who did you have to be in order to get that person’s attention.”

This is the Tony Robbins mic drop. This question ALSO relates back to last week’s post about drowning in other’s opinion of me. I craved love the most from my Dad. I never felt loved for who I was, only for who I could be for him. The person I needed to be was someone who went above and beyond in every and any situation.

For example, one time, Dad needed somebody to help him paint the outside of the house underneath the deck. He convinced me I was a perfect size and fit for the job, so I agreed. Put on my painting clothes, climbed underneath the deck and crawled over to the spot where dad was hoisting down my paint bucket.

I got paint all over me by the time I was done. Instead of a thank you, I got criticized for how much paint ended up on me and a lecture about being better, faster, and smarter. Everything I did was expected to be perfect, there was no room for grace.

Nothing is good enough as is, you must always push for better and greater, otherwise, you’re a lazy bum who will amount to nothing. And this is a theme I carried throughout childhood and working on to this day to unwind because while it’s important to have the drive, it’s also important to celebrate your victories along the way. Otherwise, you live in a constant perpetual state that plows you through life without appreciating any fruit of your labor and leaves you always feeling, never good enough.

This constant pressure to know better, be better and do better, fueled my need to overachieve in all the things. What I didn’t know then but know now is that I was over-performing in hopes I’d get his attention. Tell me I’m doing a good job, please! Tell me you’re proud! Tell me I’m not a fuck up! 

And right about here is where the bomb exploded in my head like, oh shit. I’m still living and making decisions based off of the want to please my Dad and make him proud because I want to hear ‘”I’m proud of you,” or “I love you for you,” from him before it’s too late.

Jesus, I’m still living under his strict and harsh expectations for me and I haven’t lived under their roof in over a decade! Instead of asking myself how I want to proceed, etc. I’m operating out of habit and the underlying need to please Dad.

Well, hot. damn.

Once again, I need to get the extra voices out of my head and focus only on mine.

Let’s go back to last week’s post for a moment and bring these two together. I have anxiety because I’m trying to please those on the outside looking in and ignoring my own personal wants by burying them under endless mountains to climb/projects to finish.

By not paying attention to MY voice and worrying constantly about how I can show up for others causes massive anxiety because I feel split. Do I actually want to freelance? Do I actually want to have my own company one day? Do I actually want…

When people ask me what I want to do I simply tell them, I want to write books and make a difference. I realized I need to commit to making this real. I never commit to consistency with this blog or the content I publish on my Instagram. I’m not intentional and I keep it small by not sharing these blog posts on other platforms.

I feel less anxiety when I embrace every part of me that makes me, me. And if you need the reminder to love you for you, here it is: we need you as you are, you’re you for a reason.

Tony Ribbins Mic Drop quote on blog

Come be my friend on Instagram. I’m hilarious.

Less Bitching More Living

We’re all guilty of having moments throughout time where every iota of life makes you want to pull your hair out. It’s natural, but unnatural to assume you’re the only one going through it.

 

Everyone has a  breaking point, where life piles up and you want to scream on top of a mountain at everyone who passes by. But there should be a little voice in your head that reminds you to see the brighter side of things.

Full disclosure: I admit I can be opinionated about shortcomings, but I try to make it a joke and use the common annoyance as the punch line of the joke. Because let’s be honest, nobody wants to be around anyone who complains on a regular basis.

Especially if you can predict it.

Life-1 Death-0, you’re in the lead, now stop the whining!

If you’re reading this and still a bit confused, let me break it down. But consider you might be one of those people.

Anecdote: I had a roommate who had the same routine to gain attention and it usually began on weekend nights.

The next door neighbors would have a party. She’d walk over, laugh really loud and cling to somebody who’d defiantly give her the attention she wanted, then she’d add hype to her plot.

I could hear her walking across the deck and knew what she was coming inside for; a pair of skimpy silky pajama bottoms that crawled up her crack. She’d put them on and go back over.

Then, a quick trip to her rodent’s cage to bring it over to show people (more attention).

And as the final act, she’d wrangle up the guy she wanted.

It was a game, a very good one at that (have to give her props), but eventually, as a regular spectator of the sport, the predictability of the game grew tiring and old. My other roommates and I began to make a game out of it.

“There’s the laugh, how many minutes until she comes inside for her pajamas?”

“5 minutes”

“8 minutes”

“3minutes”

……

7 minutes! The rest of you take a shot!

 

Now, how does this tie in with that I was preaching about earlier?

If I know the three things you will contribute to the conversation are more than likely going to be a complaint, expect a straight face and a stare.

Laugh. Silky Pajamas. Rodent. Score.

Conversation about the beach – insert your bitch. Conversation about work – insert same bitch that sorta relates to pervious conversation but the same content. Conversation about puppies-insert and repeat.

Laugh. Silky Pajamas. Rodent. Score.

WOOF. It’s tiring just writing it!

Are you catching what I’m pitching?

It’s okay to complain every once in awhile. I recommend it if you’re making the story funny and using your own shortcomings as the punchline, I actually respect it.

But I don’t get how some believe their situation is the only one that matters. We’re all going through stuff and even if its not the same stuff, that’s all it is, stuff. 

You’re no different than anyone else trying to figure out this hilarious game of life and adulating. Nothing is perfect nor easy; life, jobs, relationships, supporting a family, having kids, paying bills, while trying to figure out how to squeeze fun in-between moments of normal life stress.

If you’re trying to win the “my life is more terrible than yours” scenario, you’ve all ready lost.

Life isn’t about trying to get ahead of anyone else, it’s about enjoying the time you have left and trying to make the best out of the chaotic spin we all label life and trying to be our best selves.

I sound a bit preachy and possibly like I’ve had one too many bong hits, but I can take a lesson from it all, too.

It’s not about bitching, it’s about living.