relationships – RamblinRandol

Monday Mood

Ooh, friends. I wasted most of the morning writing a separate blog about grief but I just can’t publish it. It’s too much for a Monday morning. And, I don’t feel like I’m in the right headspace to give it the justice the piece deserves to make a meaningful impact.

The hope was to share and provide action. Example: I am deeply sad. Grief hits me almost every single day in the gut. I can cry at 11:30 p.m. or at 7 a.m. in the morning. What am I doing to fight through it? Combat it with gratitude.

Except it’s not true. I’d like to, but I don’t have the energy to do so. Instead I’m just flailing. My head is just above the surface but waves keep crashing over me and it doesn’t matter how hard I kick to stay afloat. And I hate it. I hate how sad I feel. I hate that this new reality is my reality. And I hate that I have no other choice but to deal with it.

I have moments of peace. They are fleeting. What I am trying to do is stick to routine. Keep going to the aerial gym to train on the same days. Showing up for my people on Saturday mornings. Taking an after lunch walk to reset. Submitting my manuscript once a week.

The lunch walk gets skipped depending on weather, never my mood.

And I did manage to submit to another agent last week. I shot my shot with the person who published the Spellshop. The writing and pacing of that book felt like a warm hug. A touch my manuscript could definitely use.

That’s all for now, folks. Thanks for reading. I hope something good happens to you this week.

k byeeeeee.

Introvert, Extrovert, Or Both?

I like to guarantee myself space. There is nothing wrong about you needing quiet and alone time to recharge your batteries. For a long time, I felt shame when I had the urge to separate myself, mostly because those around me made it feel like a bad thing.

Plus, being called an introvert feels like a dirty word. Who would want to be labeled as introverted when they’re the stereotypical quiet, shy, meek and feeble person in books, movies, and what your friends say about ‘those people?’

But let me tell you something, the definition of introverts and extroverts are not based on personality types i.e. introverts are shy and extroverts are fun and outgoing. It’s about where you get your energy from.

Introverts recharge by spending time alone. Extroverts recharge by being social. There is nothing wrong with you if you feel re-energized by spending time alone, and if you feel no shame about where you get your energy from then, way to go you! You’re ahead of the game!

Oh, and curveball, most of us fall somewhere in the middle and are categorized as an ambivert. There are very few true introverts and extroverts.

For example, I recharge by spending time alone, enjoy one-on-one conversations, and have close relationships with few people which are more introverted qualities. On the flip side, I accept change, can work a room filled with people I don’t know, speak up in meetings when I’m not prompted and get distracted easily because multi-tasking is. my. jam! These qualities are more extroverted.

Feel free to check out this quiz to see where you land. I got ambivert BTW. Also, this chart from HuffPost is a fun either/or graphic…

I would let (again and have now realized) others make me feel bad when I needed space because of their comments, “Shannnnnnon, c’mon! Stop being such a recluse, you gotta quit being so…”

There is nothing wrong with saying no to social functions on behalf of your own need to recharge. What they think of you for needing the space is none of your business, remember?

And as Ron once said to Harry…

Cheers to becoming more grounded in who I am as a person. Holy shit it’s taken long enough.

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Three Sisters Waterfalls Hike

The hike down the canyon into the valley was serene. A canopy of purple-flowered shrubs lined a good 1/4 to 1/2 mile of the trail and could even here bumblebees buzzing around the blooms. Spring has officially arrived in Southern California.

We got to the trailhead at about 8:30 A.M. and it felt more crowded on our trek back up at 11 A.M. Earlier is always better in my book.

The last 5 miles before pulling into the trailhead parking lot is a dirt road and there are well-kept porta-johns, I mention because I was surprised! California has had an average rainy season this year and the water levels in mid-April were full and flowing.

All Three Sisters were gorgeous. Keep in mind during the hotter months there’s very little shade on this hike and it’s a good steep hike back to the car. I wouldn’t bring my dogs because the risk of overheating is high, even though I’m sure they’d scale the rocks better than me.

AllTrails suggests to only use this hike from October to April and is recommended for very experienced adventurers, which I would agree with as the hike back up the canyon SUCKS. lol

Here are some of the photos from this weekend’s adventure.

Planning these little weekend trips have been a real blessing to my marriage. We both work our asses off and forget to enjoy each other sometimes, enjoying the sounds of nature has been a breath of fresh air, for reals.

So I encourage you to plan a little getaway, doesn’t have to be far (or expensive). Mother Nature has a lot to offer, so go take a hike. 🙂

RamblinRandol is about finding yourself and learning to love yourself again. Life is real and raw, there’s no room for perfection here. If you’d like to join the Hot Mess Express tribe where we discuss the daily struggle and bring real life to light, come hang out in my new Facebook group, here.

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SMHS – “Cravings” defined by my Hubs

It’s Friday, so you know what time it is. Time for #SMHS – Sh*T My Husband Says!

There’s something special about being married and by special I mean hilarious. After a certain amount of time has passed you begin to get into the deep minutia of life and crazy metaphors, conversations, and ridiculousness get exchanged.

Here’s this week’s gem.

I really wish you guys could’ve seen my face when the Hubs literally defined the word craving while dismissing its hold over him simultaneously. Good thing he’s cute ;).

SMHS – NAFTA?

It’s Friday, so you know what time it is. Time for #SMHS – Sh*T My Husband Says!

Here’s this week’s gem.

Once it’s heard it can never be unheard.

SMHS – Is It Man’s Day Yet?

It’s Friday, so you know what time it is. Time for #SMHS – Sh*T My Husband Says!

Here’s this week’s gem.

The Hubs has jokes and they’re always at 7a.m. in the damn morning.

SMHS – Din-Din

It’s Friday, so you know what time it is. Time for #SMHS – Sh*T My Husband Says!

Here’s this week’s gem.

Some days I happily reply what’s for dinner because I’m on my game and have prepared for the week. Other days I wish I knew what it was like to be a man and have everything prepared and planned for me ahead of time and respond with ‘God gave you two hands,” even though I’m not religious but very quick-tongued.

Flawsome: Adjective

Flawesome: an individual who embraces their ‘flaws’ and knows they are awesome regardless.

I wasn’t born to be perfect. I was born to be real.

This week prompt: imperfect

Our relationship is flawed because you refuse to listen.
How many more times must I express my feelings?
For I’ve clearly stated my boundaries
yet you still manage to bulldoze straight through them.
If my words and wishes don’t matter
Then why bother, it’s over
You’ll blame me for the ending when you speak about it with friends
because you’ll be able to identify when the atmosphere between us changed.
How come you can’t see your own misactions?
I’ll never fulfill that relationship you’re craving
You need to be needed in a way I can’t give
and I’m sick of repeating it to your deaf ears
For my lips tell truths you can’t handle
So let’s stop with the charades and call a spade a spade

It’s easy to confuse boundaries with control because most boundary-less people can’t fathom why there needs to be a line.

For a long time, I thought the only relationship I had to ever worry about was between me and my husband. Apparently, life forces you to deal with a multitude of relationships you don’t necessarily want or expected.

SMHS – Puppy Pistols

It’s Friday, so you know what time it is. Time for #SMHS – Sh*T My Husband Says!

Here’s this week’s gem.

I honestly can’t handle him some mornings, he’s way to awake and fiesty for me, and I get up an hour earlier to run with the dogs.

SMHS – Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

It’s Friday, so you know what time it is. Time for #SMHS – Sh*T My Husband Says!

Here’s this week’s gem.

What joke have you heard from your husband 100 times and then some?