Girl, Routine Can Make Me Neurotic If I’m Not Careful

I’m not kidding girl, routine can make me neurotic if I’m not careful and I’ll tell you why in a minute. But first, can I get a high five for realizing this about myself? It’s like a huge exhale. Who knew it was so important to be curious, especially when it comes to yourself.

Over the last few weeks, I have been participating in Rachel Hollis’ #Last90Days challenge which is all about taking ownership in your own life and because the last 90 days of the year can be the most challenging, with holidays and extra family functions, it’s a great reminder that you get to choose what happens inside your own life.

The success in owning your last 90 days is completing Hollis’ 5 To Thrive each day.

  1. Get up an hour earlier than you normally do and use the time for yourself.
  2. Workout for at least thirty minutes.
  3. Drink half of your body weight in ounces of water each day.
  4. Give up one food category you know you shouldn’t be eating.
  5. Write down ten things you’re grateful for every single day.

Simple or overwhelming, depends on the person. Know what I’m saying? This is where I begin to explain the title of this blog and first, I must note Hollis makes a point to stress these five are to motivate you not strangle you i.e. you’re not going to be on your A-game every day, so when you do slip up, don’t waste anytime crying over spilt milk.

A few months ago I wouldn’t have been able to HEAR the reminder because I don’t accept anything less than perfection when attacking a challenge or professional goal.

Case and point. For two years I had a strict exercise routine which included a morning mile and a half run every morning, legs every Tuesday, ClassPass once a week, swimming (during the summer) in the afternoons (my ‘fun’ exercise for the summer but not a replacement for cardio), arms and abs every other day and sometimes I’d double up.

I didn’t believe in rest days or legs that didn’t hurt for three days after Tuesday. If I skipped a run or just didn’t feel like doing the sit-ups, I’d feel like a failure and spin into an awful negative self-talk about how awful I was for not being able to complete one simple task, how could I be so lazy?

The over-exercising led to other issues. I ate whatever I wanted because I was exercising so much it didn’t matter. So when the wheels to my train eventually flew off, it took an additional year to figure out where I went so wrong.

BALANCE. I lacked balance. I’m an intense person, mediocre isn’t in my vocabulary. So I go balls to the wall with everything and have a hard time accepting I’m human, who can’t do all. the. things.

Let me say it again for those who might be sitting in the back row. If I’m human, you sure as shit are, too. BALANCE. BALANCE. BALANCE. BALANCE! There’s no reason to choke yourself, writing this because I need the reminder for myself!

And that is what I’ve brought to my Last 90 Days challenge. My Five To Thrive is tailored to what I need, not what I should be doing.

For example, I don’t get up an hour earlier than normal because my normal is already an hour early so I can run my pups. Instead of giving up a food group I’ve given up my fourth meal because it’s a bad habit I’ve been ready to give up. My thirty-minute exercise doesn’t have to be balls to the wall (like, can’t walk for three days) in order to ‘count.’ If I take the dogs for a walk for thirty minutes–that’s good, it’s about getting out and moving.

The best gift I’ve given myself these last 90 days is grace. I’ve missed a few gratitude journals and I give myself rest days from exercise. The world is still turning, and I’m not beating myself up about it.

“We tend to forget that baby steps still move us forward.”


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Judge, Jury, and Executioner – Guilty As Charged

This past weekend was interesting. I had a few conversations with different people about vastly varying topics that all came together (somehow) on one of the drives home. Ya know, during the debrief conversation with the Hubs after an all-day social outing. Everyone does that, right?

These conversations can be either enlightening or argument inducing, thankfully it wasn’t the latter and left me with a new little gem about myself I can carry into interactions moving forward.

Conversation One: my sister-in-law came to visit this weekend with her brand new baby boy. We got away one afternoon and walked around Fashion Island so she could get some of her favorite treats to bring home to Reno and during one conversation we discussed her new role as a mother.

She had a difficult time conceiving, suffered from PCOS, went to numerous doctors, tracked her ovulation and did rounds of scientific intervention via a pill I can’t remember. All she wanted was a baby. The stress was unbearable and she began to question her worth.

If she couldn’t have a baby, what kind of woman was she? (her words not mine) This statement led to ‘conversation one.’ She sat on one end of the spectrum regarding womanhood and I realized that I sit very far on the other.

Conversation Two: this actually had multiple conversations intertwined but I want to stick to the largest point because it led to convo three. And yes you guessed it, this convo involved my arch nemesis, love.

I don’t even like writing the word love, just seeing it makes me feel uncomfortable and vulnerable and blehhhhhhhh. But if I’m being honest, I feel like the word love is another one of those words that get overused and holds no value anymore. People just say it all willy-nilly and it doesn’t seem right (to me).

So with the above mentioned in mind, conversation two was with someone who loves a whole lotta people, would literally do anything for their large group of friends and family, who also includes me in this circle.

The thing is I have a hard time believing any words of admiration thrown my way because, well, they say it to a lot of people so how do I know it’s not bullshit?

Conversation Three a.k.a. The Debrief with Hubs: I like to hear how my Hubs percieves topics regarding relationships because usually, we have two different understandings or presumption. So I brought up convo two to hear his take…

Apparently (according to the Hubs & does seem to be true) if it were between believing someone and not believing someone, I would err towards not believing someone. “If there’s no smoking gun or proof, you don’t take it to be true,” said the Hubs, “and sometimes it makes talking to you more difficult than it needs to be.”

To stay truthful I did ask him to give me an example, and it’s because I don’t like guessing. I don’t want to assume it might be one thing when it could be another. I like to stay ahead of the ball, so why bother fucking around with assumptions when I can get a straight answer by asking the question head-on.

And without missing a beat, he provided one. And to stick with being truthful, his example is an argument we’ve had a few times and because I’ve yet to see it in action, I don’t believe it. 

His other one-liner for the car ride home to be noted is, “you make it my job to prove it beyond a reasonable doubt.” I gather he means it’s not everyone’s job to put on a trial for the judge and jury which just so happens to be me.

Okay, but how do all three of these relate to one another? Well, the conversation regarding motherhood is the base for this trifecta. I don’t operate based on opinions of others or what ‘everyone else does,’ because it comes back to my mom’s good ‘ol saying, “if they jumped off a bridge, would you?”

If you aren’t giving me ass, grass, or cash, you outta keep your yipper closed.

Society has been putting pressure on women for a zillion-bajillion years for no other reason than, ‘they said so.” Literally, the weakest fucking argument known to mankind. You’re not a good woman unless you get married, have babies, and be this well-rounded individual who can manage the household and ALL THE ERRANDS.

My response to the societal norm? “Oh HELL no!”

Just because I’m a woman I’m expected to get married and have children, and I don’t buy it. Just because people say they care for you, doesn’t mean they do because actions speak louder than words and I gotta say, a lot of people will say it but not act like it.

The moral?

And just because I know this about myself, now I can pay attention to when I’m starting to get a little judge and jury. This is a good quality to have, but not in all instances. Some things don’t provide proof and I have to learn how to trust.

#balance

Now to keep up with my promise to practice gratitude to fight my tendency to forbode joy: Currently feeling gratitude towards the strength I possess that helps me have those hard conversations. Growth is hard, but my ears are finally open. What are you feeling gratitude towards? Let me know in the comment section, below. 

Cultivate it.

play better on Instagram than Facebook but regardless, be my friend online. RamblinRandol is my quest for true belonging.

 

 

 

Give Yourself A Break – Strive For Imperfection, Instead

This morning on my drive to work I was catching up on one of my favorite podcasts, Jen Gotch Is Okay…Sometimes. It’s described as a podcast that “is weird and original and funny and honest—just like me.  Each week I’m going to get in your ear, tell you about my fears, my pain, my triumphs and hopefully in the process help you become more self-aware, build your own emotional intelligence, and more than anything else, FEEL LESS ALONE.”

It drops every Tuesday and has become one of my favorite listens on the drive to work. I missed this Tuesday’s episode so I caught up this morning and wow, did it hit home and put into perspective what I was blogging about yesterday that I didn’t know at the time I was blogging about. Does that make sense? 

If you missed it, yesterday’s blog Cutting Loose Ends talked about how I’ve been struggling with carrying the thoughts and opinions of others while trying to fight the urge to self-isolate and block out. Let’s not get it twisted, it’s still annoying how much people dump on unsuspecting souls. The trick is to not let it stick and define you.

Yesterday I think was I was blogging about (but didn’t know it at the time) struggling with perfectionism and after this morning’s episode about striving for IMPERFECTION, it gave me some perspective on what I wrote about yesterday, weird right?

Here’s why letting go of perfectionism will help me let go of other people’s actions:

Trying to ‘live up’ to other people’s expectations is a waste of damn time. I want to be successful both personally and professionally. This need to excel at excellence means trying to do everything to the best of my ability, a.k.a. as close to perfect and efficient as possible and I don’t want to let anyone down so I put a lot of value in what others think and say about me (which pains me to write because ew, I wish this wasn’t true) and forget I do this, hence yesterday’s frustration.

This does nothing but distracts me from my own inner voice. I know me, so I should listen to her more often because when I’m constantly filling my head with what others have put on me, it stifles my inner thoughts and feelings. So fuck that shit, I need to be more self-aware so I can internally combat this.

She continues on to say:

“What if we just decided to be imperfect?”

Being comfortable with being imperfect actually helps us achieve more since we’re not overwhelming ourselves with undue pressure. “Let’s not worry so much,” Jen says. “Let’s not try and strive for something that actually isn’t achievable because you just end up feeling awful all the time.”

“We still need to have aspirations, but what if what we aspired to was to be better than great and less than perfect? I think we could manage that.”

She lists three sweet spots to focus on while striving for imperfection, here they are:

  1. Say no to the ‘having it all’ culture – this doesn’t help you focus on the now. When you focus on the ‘having it now’ aspect of life, it forces you to dismiss the achievements of today and yesterday and leaves you feeling never enough or satisfied. Let’s collectively agree to knock this behavior off!
  2. It’s okay to fail – all I have to say about this one is if you never fail how are you supposed to learn? Growth comes from standing up after falling and learning from your mistakes. Let’s all agree to fail a little harder!
  3. Done is better than perfect mentality – I suck at this one, it was even hard to write, but I can acknowledge what it’s trying to convey. If you get tied up in all the little details nothing will ever move forward. This isn’t promoting laziness, it’s promoting to take a breath in the middle of that big project and acknowledge the fact it’s not going to be perfect no matter how hard you strive for it (project, relationship, the dream) to be. Focus on completing it, not all the little tiny ways it’s going to be a shitshow.

Hopefully, this helps you in the same way it helped me peel back the foggy layer that was suffocating my brain yesterday. Gotch ended the episode by asking her listeners to ditch perfectionism and do ‘all of the things you’re waiting to be perfect, to do.” Challenge accepted, and I hope you join me.

Now to keep up with my promise to practice gratitude to fight my tendency to forbode joy: Currently feeling gratitude about seeing my brother-in-law tonight and having a cookout! What are you feeling gratitude towards? Let me know in the comment section, below. 

Cultivate it.

play better on Instagram than Facebook but regardless, be my friend online. RamblinRandol is my quest for true belonging. 

 

1-800-273-8255 – Your Life Matters

We are way behind the bell curve when it comes to understanding mental illness and it grinds my gears when there is no compassion or tried understanding. And I get it, not everyone is capable of understanding or compassion but what the hell is everyone else’s excuse?

Yesterday my husband and I ate a late lunch at our favorite sushi restaurant here in Orange County (Minato Sushi in case you’re wondering), and I overheard the table behind us discussing the recent suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain.

The adult son claimed, “Kate Spade’s suicide was more of a shock than Bourdain’s, at least he had a long history with substance abuse.”

I tried not to glare. How can one suicide be more shocking than another? Isn’t all suicide terribly shocking? And to me, it sounds like he’s trying to justify one suicide over the other by understanding the public personas each person put on while out in the public, which leads me to the next two questions…

How come we have to assess “who is more broken” in order to determine our own emotions about someone else committing suicide? Since when does suicide make sense? And PS: just because you feel like you know celebrities, TV personas, etc. doesn’t mean you have the full story.

Let’s talk about mental health. Did you know that suicide is the leading cause of death in the United States? According to the CDC, it is now the number one fatal injury across the states, surpassing automobile accidents.

In this same report, the data shows men (in every age group compared with women) kill themselves at a higher rate than women. See that diagram, here.

This stat shook me, too. How come men are more prone to suicide? Is it because of the societal pressure to be a strong figure who provides, never cries, and will always come swooping in to save the day on their white horse for the family?

It’s impossible nowadays to have a one-family income support the family. So let’s let this ideal die with the same notion woman aren’t as valuable as men in the workplace and everywhere else.

I proudly stand with the women’s movement, chant for equal pay, and felt relieved when the #metoo campaign caught fire. And I also have that same passion forward thinking in regards to how we’re raising our young men. This ain’t 1950, boys can cry if they want to, too.

Suicide is defined (like I’m sure you know) as a death caused by self-directed injurious behavior with intent to die as a result of the behavior. Suicidal ideation refers to thinking about, considering or planning suicide.

Suicide is a MAJOR public health concern.

Logic made a hit record about suicide prevention. Jada Pickett Smith and others in the spotlight made a statement about their own personal struggle with mental health issues. Conversations are happening; let’s collectively continue improving our understanding of mental health.

What’s the first step? Does anyone have any ideas?

I think misusing the term mentally ill is a good starting point. We’re in a culture where words don’t matter because they can be slung anonymously over the web. We self-diagnose and label others easily and incorrectly. Not everyone is a narcissist. Mom’s an asshole but she’s not mentally ill. Not every school shooter is mentally ill.

Words matter and we should be careful with them.

Once we regain the word maybe then we can begin to redefine it in a way everyone can understand. Mental health is the umbrella word like marketing is to communications. Mental illness includes everything from panic attacks and anxiety to bipolar and schizophrenia.

Suicide is complicated and sad regardless of who commits the act. May no one reading ever know what it feels like to truly believe family, friends, and children, would be better off without you in their lives. If you’ve had suicidal thoughts or are having suicidal thoughts call 1-800-273-8255 for help.

It’s okay to not be okay and ask for help. Your life matters.

Now to keep up with my promise to practice gratitude to fight my tendency to forbode joy: Currently feeling gratitude for everyone sharing their own personal mental health story to help spread the awareness. What are you feeling grateful for?

Cultivate it.

I play better on Instagram than Facebook but regardless, come be my friend online. RamblinRandol is my personal journey about understanding myself more with the hopes it’ll help someone else in the twenty-something/pushing thirty struggles.

 

 

 

Missed Opportunity That Has Me Buggin

It’s the middle of the week, which means the weekend is ALMOST here. Anyone got anything fun going on? I’ll be getting lost in San Fransico and hiking Big Sur with the Hubs. I can’t wait to nerd out at Alcatraz, too!

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For those who were around Monday and saw my balloon face, I’m happy to report my face has gone back to its natural saggy-self, bags under my eyes and everything, but if it’s not one thing it’s another 😉 … I missed an opportunity to inspire the kids I work with every Friday, and it’s eating me up.

Two weeks ago I put an ask out for school supply donations to help KidWorks provide for its after-school programs. Staples immediately gave me three boxes of notebooks and a promise to get back with me for the possibility of more supplies (which reminds me it’s been a week and I should probably follow up).

Because I had donations to drop off, I pulled my car up to the front and began unloading. Some of the kids in my class saw my car and started asking if I was rich, how much did I pay for this car and what do I do for a living.

Had just one asked I might’ve had enough time to respond the way I wanted to, but instead, there were about four little girls oo-ing and awing, demanding an answer. To which I replied, it’s not polite to talk about money and hadn’t you heard what none-ya said? None ya bees-wax. Cue laughter and comments about my jokes being old (wait, when did that happen?! haha).

This may sound like a reasonable response and a good lesson to learn early on, but what I wish I would’ve said was this,”I grew up just like you, so one day if you work hard enough for it, you could drive this kind of car, too.”

Ya know, a real Hallmark moment.

I fell back on what I was told growing up and it bums me out because I missed an opportunity to tell the kids (in so many words) it doesn’t matter what your financial circumstances are now, if you work hard enough and believe in yourself you too can drive around in a bright blue mustang one day.

And that’s what I needed to hear as a kid.

I get it, nobody is perfect and I shouldn’t beat myself up about this one time, so I’m going to keep repeating this until the anxiety of not responding how I wanted subsides, because next time I will have the wherewithal to express the importance of dreaming for better.

Also, their ‘you’re rich!’ statement made me extremely uncomfortable and a little offended. It’s the first time anyone has thought of me as ‘well off’ and I’m still not sure how I feel about it because I didn’t grow up rich, with a silver spoon in my mouth, and nobody gave me anything, I had to fight for it.

Now I’m torn between enjoying the fruits of my hard work and determination, and still being scrappy Shannon who pinches every penny to make sure when the bottom falls out, I can still pull myself up by my bootstraps and carry on.

It’s a strange path to be walking, and incredibly fascinating a comment from a young person can send me back to this place of uncomfortableness between how I grew up and what I’ve become. I never not want to remember my roots.

There’s no need to ignore the friction, the only way I’m going to figure out how to deal with these two worlds is by sitting in the comfortableness. Ignoring will only delay the solution. Right?

If you’re like me and have a tendency to plow through emotions that are tough to swallow, I encourage you to wade around in those uncomfortable waters to see what you come out with on the other end. You might surprise yourself with a simple solution.

Anyone Else?

Anyone else get annoyed by half-ass gestures? Like a birthday gift that was obviously purchased last minute with no thought of the birthday person in mind. Or someone constantly telling you what they were going to do for you but then _______ *insert bogus excuse they concocted so that they feel better about not doing it.

If you didn’t do what you had planned to do, don’t mention it. If you don’t have time to purchase a gift with actual thought behind it, why bother spending the money? People can tell you know.

Anyone else find it frustrating when you’re consistently not being heard? Like when you have to repeat yourself more than a handful of times about the same issue, topic, life event or fact.

My favorite part about this scenario is that when the person not being heard finally has had enough of not being heard they end up looking like an ass because words didn’t work so you’re led to making a scene to get the message through.

Anyone else get annoyed when people don’t take responsibility for their own actions? It still shocks me how many will apologize without saying the word sorry and then follow it up with the reasons for why they acted the way they did.

So you’re not actually sorry, are you?

Another good example is when blame is shifted to everyone else but the person who’s constantly running into the same “hurtful situation.” If you’re being hurt, what action do you take out of the equation so that you’re not hurt anymore? Take responsibility for your own actions.

This morning in the shower I realized I take everyone else’s feelings into consideration before responding or acting. If I look out for everyone else’s best interest than who is looking out for mine?

The answer is nobody. I need to look out for my own best interest because in my experience everyone else is operating with their own best interest at heart, so why aren’t I? It’s nobody else’s ‘job’ to look out for my best interest than myself.

And until this shower thought smacked me in the head this morning, I don’t think I realized how much I consider everyone else’s feelings and when people close don’t take the same consideration of mine, they disappoint me and I get frustrated.

This is the thing though, it bothers me and is nobody else’s problem but my own to work out and figure out how to not be hurt my thoughtlessness; make sense?

I need to learn how to not expect people to treat other’s how they want to be treated, despite the phrase. Most treat other’s how they were taught to be treated, this includes me.

The trick is learning how to not let actions you don’t understand consume you, battling anger has been my toughest uphill climb.

Cultivate it.

 

 

 

My First Day at KidWorks KU Program

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My first day at Kidworks KU program was this past Friday and I have to admit, my nerves were jittery all day in anticipation of my first-afternoon volunteer teaching.

Would a bunch of 3rd through 5th graders eat me alive? Would I say something wrong and secure their place in therapy twenty years from now? What if they hate my course outline and/or despise me?!

PS: When the hell did I turn into a worry wart? My lifelong goal of not turning into my mother and worrying about everything has apparently flown right out the window. #smdh

KU (Kidworks University) is a 5-week program where kids elect to take courses they’re interested in after their regular school hours. I volunteered to fill in as the arts & crafts teacher as they hadn’t found anyone to fill the position.

Craft one was making dreamcatchers. In an hour. With 12 kids and one of me.

Holy crow have I never heard my name said so many dang times.

It was hilariously exhausting.

The entire day before Day One at KU I spent preparing for the ONE HOUR class. I was super convinced they’d finish early and all be looking at me begging for something to do. I was pre-imagining the panic I’d feel with 12 sets of little eyeballs waiting for my next move, so like any wannabe Boy Scout – I made a plan for the plan and went in prepared…

This is embarrassing because your girl had a powerpoint presentation, a word search just in case kids finished early and a story about where the dreamcatchers originated from…

And there has GOT to be some kind of life irony/hidden life message within this next paragraph describing how the ONE HOUR actually went. 

We didn’t start until 20-minutes after planned because the program manager wanted to make sure to get all the last minute kids in the classes they wanted. There was a class before mine so I couldn’t set up the room until it was my turn – but I was standing outside waiting for my kids to arrive (per protocol) and had zero prep time, especially since we all started 20 minutes late.

As I’m learning the kids’ names, half of them start asking if we’re going to make slime instead of the pre-designated craft I’m in the process of setting up. Probably four kids in total repeatedly asked, when are we going to make slime?!

After getting the kiddos started all of them needed help. At the same time.

After helping one, another would ask, and then another, then another and then another.

I’ve never tied so many damn knots in my life. Which thinking about it now, why didn’t I just tell them to tie their own knot? Those fools got me <3

By the time the hour (and an extra 15-minutes) was up, most of the class finished their dreamcatcher and ran out the door while I was left trying to catch my breath, clean up the bead mess and figure out where I’d left my brain.

Nobody wanted to read my dreamcatcher story. And there was no extra time for the word search I had printed out. Not even sure where my flash drive with my PPT went.

I made an IG Story from the beginning to end, so I’m sharing it with you now so that you too can enjoy a laugh at my expense.

Moral of the story: Don’t sweat the small stuff. Once the party train starts rolling there’s no stopping it. And I must repeat – don’t try to make a bunch of 8 and 10-year-olds make a dreamcatcher in an hour. Safe a life, color a book.

PSA: Kidworks NEEDS volunteers. If you’re in the Orange County, California, area please consider donating some of your time. Check out volunteer opportunities here. Kidworks is a community development organization whose mission is to restore at-risk neighborhoods…one life at a time.

Join me in being the change we wish to see in the world. If you volunteer your time, tell us where in the comment section so we can love on you and each other!

Stay dreaming.

Cultivate it.

Step One: Getcha Mind Right

I skipped Friday’s post, and I’ve felt guilty about it all weekend. A lot has been going on and I couldn’t bring myself to silence my anxiety long enough to sit still and write down what was going on in my head.

My personal to-do list feels like it’s growing by the hour, without any progress or satisfaction of checking off a number of to-dos, daily. Instead, it feels like I’m drowning and it’s my own hand that’s holding me under.

Every morning I want to perform a checklist that helps actively grow my social media presence with an end goal it’ll help my podcast and ultimately promote my personal brand of small biz marketer consultant.

This includes posting every day on Facebook and Instagram, three blogs on ramblinrandol.com, trying to convince people to let me interview them and write out this damn business plan so it’ll help my pitch when I ask brands to give me a landing page.

This clearer vision ALSO requires me to REDO my landing page AGAIN. A need to square up my IG page and create a highlight that lets people know what they’re going to get from me, but I’m stressed about being honest because people from my past are going to judge HARD and it makes me want to fight.

Basically, I’m conflicted.

Thursday night I finally said out loud a truth I’ve been thinking about for awhile.

“I already hustled my way through my twenties, how come that couldn’t be enough?”

I’m tired of busting my ass, was feeling sorry for myself and sick of wrestling the frustration within my own head, so I offered it up for my Hubs to analyze.

His response was profound (I don’t give him enough credit, he knows me better than I acknowledge) and helped give me the perspective I needed.

“Your hustle in your early-twenties did exactly what you intended it to do, got you out of the restaurant industry and graduating college with your Bachelor’s degree. You met those goals so you created more, right? So now you’ve got to adjust your hustle to accomplish those goals.”

Well, hot damn, how come I couldn’t come up with that obvious answer on my own?

If I were content with life as it is now, then great, no harm no foul. But, I’m not. I’ve got bigger dreams I want to achieve. The quicker I get rid of the “I already busted my ass and beat the odds” mentality, the quicker I can get my ass in gear.

Not to mention I need a better system because I am OVERhelmed, but I do believe If I get my mind right the rest will systematically fall in line.

Step One: Getcha Mind Right.

Cultivate it.


RamblinRandol is about finding yourself and learning to love yourself again. Life is real and raw, there’s no room for perfection here. If you’d like to join the Hot Mess Express tribe where we discuss the daily struggle and bring real life to light, come hang out in my new Facebook group, here

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A Step In The Right Direction

What’s that old saying? Do something that scares you every single day? Well, I kept good on my promise from last week. My first step is to reach out to everyone who could help me get started via email and then if I don’t get any response, I’ve made a promise to follow up with a phone call – the scariest outreach (for a millennial) of them allllll! 😉

Why haven’t I voiced what the hell I’m trying to do, yet? Because this damn quote I read about being successful says basically actions speak louder than words, so if I’m spending all my time talking about it, I’m going to jinx it and never get the ball rolling…

Yes, I do believe in the jinx curse. It’s a real problem in Fantasy Football and it’s bitten me in the ass enough times to believe in the almighty.

This shouldn’t be how I operate decisions, probably. But I kinda like mentioning it so that I keep myself accountable. I also operate out of guilt, which is also not healthy and I’m working on it.

On a separate note, the scary activity I’m doing today is also exhilarating! At noon I’m meeting with the outreach coordinator at KidWorks to interview for a volunteer teaching position.

Throughout the last few years, it’s become very apparent how important it is to enrich your own life. I think I lived under the false hope that something good would fall into my lap or present itself to show me what I needed. Imagine when it hit me upside the head that I was in charge of my own enrichment?!

This ability to look within must come as you near your thirties. It’s been a year of self for me and it’s weird. I digress…

Volunteering my time at Kidwork’s KU program is going to be the new ‘enrichment’ I need that gives me a breath of fresh air and I’m telling you this rambling mess in hopes you go out, grab your life my the kahonas and find an activity that gives you a breath of fresh air.

If you already know yours, drop it in the comment section below for someone who needs some inspiration. 

Cultivate it.


RamblinRandol is about finding yourself and learning to love yourself again. Life is real and raw, there’s no room for perfection here. If you’d like to join the Hot Mess Express tribe where we discuss the daily struggle and bring real life to light, come hang out in my new Facebook group, here

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I am woman what's your super power?

Me Too

Obviously, this one got written after the #metoo movement. It didn’t get published because talking about it was new and still felt taboo. To be honest, I didn’t want to rock the boat, fearful about what others might think. Always a little concerned about future employers opinions…you never know where this could end up! 

There are a few people I know who would probably describe me as a man-hater when I wasn’t around, which is fine because I can’t control a damn thing people do and say behind my back. There’s no point wasting any time on how ‘others’ describe me, I can only do me, boo.

After months of loud, strong, and powerful female voices coming forward; cheers to finally finding the balls to speak about my own.


If all the women who have been sexually harassed or assaulted wrote ‘me too’ as a status, we might give me people a sense of the magnitude of the problem.

One in four women by the age of 22 will have been assaulted or raped. This is only the REPORTED statistic, estimates are around 1 in 2 women.

I am a part of that statistic because of course, me too.

It was 6th grade and I was at the park with my friend. We were headed up a ladder to get to the tallest slide on the jungle gym when a boy came power climbing behind me and grabbed my rear and slapped it.

Naturally, I shouted, “Don’t touch me you little asshole!”

Three seconds later my friend’s mom came running over, asked what happened and scolded me for using a swear word. Never be that adult, I can only hope if I ever had a daughter she’d call the kid a little asshole, too. 

When I was twenty-four I met a girlfriend in New Orleans for its famed Mardi Gras. On the second night, I hailed a taxi to get back to the hotel early because men were taking advantage of being in a large crowd and letting their hands wander.

Three DIFFERENT men swiped their finger up my ass crack. My pants were thinner than jean material, and each time I would whip around to say my peace the men would be lost in the crowd. I didn’t want to be that “overdramatic female making a scene” by shouting obscenities at a group of random people.

Now, how many of you just asked yourself if I was trashed, wearing provocative clothing or asking for it? Be honest. For the record, neither question is viable.

I can’t count the number of times some dude has hung out a car window and shouted something disgusting.

You don’t know how many times I wanted to throw down with a dude because I was so sick and tired of the unwanted advances.

Don’t get me started on misogynistic bosses who’d ask if I was one of them “feminist bra-burning” chicks, or encouraged me to “spin for them” upon the first meet. I yanked my hand out his hand before he could turn me.

And there’s not enough fingers and toes to count the number of times I wanted to rip my skin off and shower until I was raw.

Jessica Rabbit has been saying it for decades.

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And I’m not even close to her stature. There’s no hope.


My husband and I recently had a discussion about the Me Too movement during the Larry Nassar trials. The morning news was flooded with testimony from the victims and he couldn’t take it anymore, he shouted out, “I JUST WANT THE NEWS.”

To which I spatted, “IF IT WERE REVERSED WOULD IT BE NEWS THEN?”

He meant no harm, doesn’t side with Larry Nassar or think this movement is frivolous. He couldn’t take imagining a doctor taking advantage of young girls, couldn’t fathom it nor understand it.

That husband of mine likes problems he can solve, and this was a problem he had no solution for…but it led to a great conversation about what the solution is and will be.

It’s to teach our sons how to treat a woman, communicating what’s suitable and not. Stopping bad behavior when we see it within our friend circle and correcting the subtle jabs in conversation about women being the weaker species.


“Women base a lot of their judgments on incorrect feelings,” said a friend.

“Dr. Dre made all of HIS business decisions regarding his music, based off what his gut was telling him,” said I. “Pretty sure his gut and my feelings are the same idea.”

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