Shannon Randol

A Sandbox Full of Animals: How Nature Helps Me Name What I Feel & Other Spiritual Guide Discoveries

Nature and animals have provided me a load of comfort, hope, and safety over the years. My being always felt most at ease when it was amongst the leaves, birds, and breeze. If a hot shower can’t fix my mood, a walk beneath the trees definitely will. And the truest parts of my heart were kept in childhood with our German Shepard mix, Pepper. And when she passed, they stayed with my girl of sixteen years, Bella. A National Geographic binder filled with fun facts on every animal known to man was a book on my parent’s shelf I asked for permission to read over and over again.

My head, heart, and body have been out of touch and numb from one another for a long damn time. I feel disconnected, disassociated, and stuck in survival. A “little” something-something being worked on in therapy. But when asked the dreaded, “and how did that make you feel” question my brain inflicts a whiteout. A weather condition during heavy snow where visibility is nearly zero. Thoughts cease to exist. My inner monologue goes mute and the ability to use adjectives is lost. All that comes out is. “I don’t know.” The solution has been to do an exercise with a sandbox using objects and figurines to help represent what I’m feeling.

It seems obvious now but it wasn’t (at least to me) then and you can probably guess…my sandbox is routinely filled with animals and nature. It has led to a conversation about spiritual guides and if I know mine. Side-note: did you know every zodiac sign has an animal associated with it? For fun, I’ve provided the list below.

Gemini: Butterfly
Cancer: Wolf
Leo: Lion
Virgo: Owl
Libra: Swan
Scorpio: Snake
Sagittarius: Horse
Capricorn: Mountain Goat
Aquarius: Dolphin
Pisces: Deer
Aries: Tiger
Taurus: Bear

Different systems use different methods to assign animals. Don’t feel connected to this list? Do some digging to find a system that fits for you. And if I’ve lost you because there’s no hard fast rules well…congrats on making it this far with me, haha. Want to know more about your Chinese Zodiac? Click here for a chart.

Do I know which animal represents my spirit guide? The short answer is, I don’t know. How am I supposed to know the difference between appreciating and being deeply connected? Allegedly there are some options. Some recommend meditation and visualization. A quiet space to relax your mind and body, focusing on your heart to see where it takes you. My brain is too loud for this suggestion. I’d sit and think and talk myself out of every animal to appear. Every other thought would question, is this intuition or a personal persuasion?

The “look for signs” idea feels a bit more realistic for me. The Internet suggests to be open and receptive. Notice any signs in nature or in your dreams. Pay attention to synchronicities or meaningful coincidences. You could experience physical or emotional sensations. You might feel tingly or warm. A sense of calm or ease. A feeling of energy moving through you. Some have claimed to see external signs like flashes of light or hearing unexplained sounds. Not going to lie, it would be so much better for me if this could be solved by inputing personal data into a formula. This trust your feelings thing obviously isn’t great for me.

What I do know is there are a few animals tattooed on my body. A majority of dreams are me trying to fight, protect or save someone or something I care for deeply. Nannie told me ounce I was like a “wise old owl.” A recent doom scroll on Instagram lead me to a wolf pack metaphor about eldest daughters that made me feel deeply seen. A lioness is permanently placed on the inside of my bicep. I got her after a life-changing event as a reminder. And my first tattoo came at eighteen after moving out of their house. Two doves. People would ask, “why doves?” I’d respond without hesitation (or understanding what it implied), “because I’m finally free.”

Luckily, I don’t need to pick one. Which is helpful considering I’m an Enneagram 1, needing one sets me up to look for the “perfect” animal representation. It appears you’re allowed to feel connected to multiples. Or have a few guides throughout your life depending on needs. So, this little bit of murkiness will have to do for now. And I kinda love it because now I have something fun to doom scroll.

If you were an animal, which one would you be/feel most connected to? What was the first animal to pop into your head? Tell me in the comments 🙂

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PS: I asked Matt, he said raccoon. Well, technically he said, “trash panda.”

Google says, the raccoon symbolizes curiosity, resourcefulness, and adaptability due to its intelligence and ability to thrive in changing environments. It also represents mystery and disguise, represented by its mask, and can encourage you to explore your own complex self and shed any masks that no longer serve you. For some indigenous cultures, the raccoon is a trickster figure associated with lighthearted mischief, cleverness, and dexterity (they can open doors!).

And I think he nailed it.

PPS: Does anybody know where I can get a National Geographic binder book about animals that was probably printed sometime in the 90s? Lol

PPP: Thank goodness for therapy and therapists who use sandboxes to help those of us feeling challenged to help express what’s “coming up.” Look what it led to! ❤

If You Feel Like a Mess on a Rock in Space… Same

This isn’t advice. It’s just me being honest, in case you need it too.

The last thing the internet needs is another expert.

So, I solemnly swear to never tell you what you should be doing. Nothing grinds my gears more than others trying to tell me “exactly” what I should be doing in order to achieve x,y, and z.

Because here’s the thing–the older I get the more I realize I don’t know shit. The moment it feels figured out, something changes and I’m back at square one. And honestly? Love that for us, it keeps us honest. (Except for the ones selling you that magic elixir.)

What I do know is how much I appreciated people being authentic and real with me about their truths. I learned the most from others sharing their own personal experiences. It helped process my own and I’d like to return the favor. Sharing what I’ve learned in hopes it helps you feel less crazy, less alone or less stressed about where you’re at.

Because if you feel like a mess on a rock floating through space, girl same. What even is my purpose here?

Hi friends, I’m trying hand over at Substack for a little while.

(I couldn’t keep sharing posts about silence and rejection from pitching, haha. And for some reason, opening WordPress feels like a drag. Not sure if it’s because at one time I had this popping and now it’s crickets or what but I’m trying to unblock the mental block.)

SO, if you wanna read the rest of the post above and learn more about the book that made me reconsider therapy, head on over to my Substack 🙂

ps: thanks for reading ❤

Rejection, Finally!

Last week’s free time was consumed with building a website for my sister’s small business she debuted at the Hagerstown Farmer’s Market. I was lucky enough to make the trip up and be there for her first one. She got an overwhelming response of positive feedback and confirmation to look legit.

Kell’s Kitchen got launched after researching which options would work best for her (shoutout to WP for $4 a month payment options) and then we designed business cards and set up an Instagram account. Then, I got whammed with a whack sinus infection that took me out for the last five days.

My ears popped and fizzed like pop rocks for three days. Pollen is one helluva weed.

Anyways! I got my first rejection in awhile. The ones from January are most likely rejecting me in silence but this women was pretty quick. She was the latest I wrote to, her email read:

Dear Shannon,

Thank you for your query. I appreciate the opportunity to consider DON’T FORGET TO TIP YOUR WAITRESS for possible representation, but I’m not the right agent for it. Of course this is only one response, and tastes vary widely among agents. I wish you the best of luck finding the right home for your work.

Sincerely,

Katie Grimm

Short and sweet. On to the next fam. This morning I submitted to a person with the last name Lyra and made a joke about it being a circus apparatus and her branding would be too easy if they needed a career change. May not have been the best idea but maybe she’ll have a chuckle. You never know what’ll draw people in, haha.

Hope you have a fabulous week, friends!

Byeeeeee.

Thought I Forgot?

The air conditioner broke the first hot weekend we’ve had this year. Sitting in a warm house has frazzled my brain. And if the property management call center tells me one more time “I understand it can be quite uncomfortable,” I might end up on the 5 o’clock news.

All that to say, I haven’t been able to muster the brain power or fucks to submit anything in the past week. But, no rejections either! So, still plenty of irons in the fire?

To be honest I can feel the momentum slipping and it’s only almost April. To be expected, right? If it were easy everyone would do it. Not going to beat myself up if I miss a week here or there. It’s about being consistent…at least I think…or hope.

In other news, I couldn’t wait any longer to do a little gardening. You’re supposed to wait another two weeks to be sure you’re out of the potential for frost, but every place we ran errands to this weekend had their plant section bussin.’ So, if it does frost, hopefully it won’t kill anything the first time (or two).

What’s your favorite thing to plant in the Spring? I need something that creeps.

k. byeee

Monday Mood

Ooh, friends. I wasted most of the morning writing a separate blog about grief but I just can’t publish it. It’s too much for a Monday morning. And, I don’t feel like I’m in the right headspace to give it the justice the piece deserves to make a meaningful impact.

The hope was to share and provide action. Example: I am deeply sad. Grief hits me almost every single day in the gut. I can cry at 11:30 p.m. or at 7 a.m. in the morning. What am I doing to fight through it? Combat it with gratitude.

Except it’s not true. I’d like to, but I don’t have the energy to do so. Instead I’m just flailing. My head is just above the surface but waves keep crashing over me and it doesn’t matter how hard I kick to stay afloat. And I hate it. I hate how sad I feel. I hate that this new reality is my reality. And I hate that I have no other choice but to deal with it.

I have moments of peace. They are fleeting. What I am trying to do is stick to routine. Keep going to the aerial gym to train on the same days. Showing up for my people on Saturday mornings. Taking an after lunch walk to reset. Submitting my manuscript once a week.

The lunch walk gets skipped depending on weather, never my mood.

And I did manage to submit to another agent last week. I shot my shot with the person who published the Spellshop. The writing and pacing of that book felt like a warm hug. A touch my manuscript could definitely use.

That’s all for now, folks. Thanks for reading. I hope something good happens to you this week.

k byeeeeee.

St. Patty’s Origin & Top 5 Books from 2024

Still no rejection letters since my Meg Thompson submission. And, I submitted to two people last week to make up for missing my goal the prior week. But, no clue who I’m pitching to this week. It’s on my to-do list for tomorrow and I’m going to try and track down another agent who worked on a book I reeeeeally enjoyed.

Last year my top five books were:

Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver
Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin
the Spellshop by Sarah Beth Durst
Weyward by Emelia Hart
Emily Wilde’s Encyclopedia of Faeries by Heather Fawcett

None of these are technically in my category but you never know. The agent for The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue (Fav book of 2023) led me to someone in their agency who would be a perfect match.

Just have to “dig a little deeper, Ross.” (Who knows that reference, haha).

It would feel ridiculous to post this without acknowledging it’s St. Patrick’s Day. Did you know this holiday got its boozey reputation when us Americans started to celebrate the holiday? It’s a religious holiday Ireland has observed for the last 1,000 years. Here’s a little origins article I found by the History Channel.

I won’t be drinking. But I will get dressed up in green and enjoy some bangers & mash for dinner.

Have a great week, friends. I hope something good happens to you this week.

Byeee.

An Oops & a New Recipe Try

No “thanks but no thanks and good luck” emails have been sent to my inbox this past week. So, there’s still a chance one of them is still considering to work with me.

Time slipped past me last week and I didn’t get a chance to submit. It wasn’t until my drive home from aerial class Wednesday night that it dawned on me. Thursdays are my shit day so I shot for Friday to figure it out. Then Friday turned into a cluster-fack and here we are on Monday.

I’d like to say I’ll submit to two agents this week but I fear with this time change, one will be a victory. Despite going to bed early, I still woke up 20 minutes before needing to log into work. Starting my day in a rush/behind is not how I like to begin the week. It feels like I’ll trip into each task that needs to be complete. Hate, hate, hate.

In order to get back on track I wrote out a to-do list for the week. Maybe checking stuff off it will help get me back on track. First thing first? Write blog and then search for this week’s literary agent. After? Brush teeth and wash face.

Something fun I accomplished this weekend was finally testing out a new recipe that’s been sitting in my “to-be-cooked” binder. It’s a baby blue binder I’ve had since maybe high school and it’s filled with torn magazine pages of recipes I want to try. This weekend, I tackled the Furikake-Ranch Snack Mix. It was freaking delicious.

The recipe is down below. My pointer? really make sure you mix it well. I thought giving it a few toss tosses would be sufficient but you really want to make sure the syrup is well distributed so most pieces of the snack mix get covered. Otherwise, it’s easy-peasy. If you try it, let me know if you dig it.

(I can’t tell you wrote the recipe because a name is not mentioned or which magazine it came from for sure, but I’m pretty sure it was featured in last summer’s Bon Appetit)

“Furikake Chex Mix, a popular fixture in Hawaii, meets another American favorite: each seasoning. Like all good snack mixes, this one is open to swaps and modifications. Can’t find Bugles? Try Oyster crackers! Prefer it spicy? Add a hot sauce to the syrup. This recipe feeds a crowd but can be halved easily. “

Mix can be made 2 weeks ahead. Store in airtight container and at room temperature.

1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter
1/3 cup light corn syrup
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 Tbsp. soy sauce
1 1-oz packet ranch seasoning
10 cups rice and/or corn cereal (Chex, Crispix)
3 cups Bugles (or oyster crackers)
2 cups mini windowpane pretzels
2 cups Goldfish crackers
1 cup salted & roasted peanuts
1 1.7-oz bottle nori Komi furikake

Place racks in upper and lower thirds of oven, preheat to 250.
Heat butter, corn syrup, sugar, oil, soy sauce, and ranch seasoning in small saucepan, stirring until sugar is dissolved. Remove from heat.
Mix cereal, Bugles, pretzels, crackers, and peanuts in large bowl, working from bottom to top.
Wearing gloves, carefully, pour butter mixture into bowl, mixing from bottom to top to incorporate. Sprinkle half Furikake over and toss evenly. Sprinkle remaining Furikake and toss again to coat.
Divide mixture onto two baking sheets and bake. Tossing mixture every 15-20 minutes and rotating pans back to front and top to bottom halfway through, until dry (about an hour). A humid day may require an extra 15 – 30 minutes. Let snack cool before serving.

Next time I’m adding hot sauce.

Have a great week, friends. I hope something good happens to you. ❤

PCOS & Pitching to The Book Group

If your thyroid works, be sure to thank it every morning. For the past five years my body has been fighting itself while I was fighting the healthcare system begging for help. If I heard, “your lab results are normal” one more time I may have John Wicked somebody.

Multiple doctors told me it was stress and anxiety. The world had just gone through a pandemic and I had moved across the country in the middle of it. While the entire world shut down, my entire life got flipped upside down with a new city, new job, and new permanent address. “Sounds like you’ve experienced some trauma, you’re probably depressed.”

“This is more than depression. I know depression and anxiety. This feels like everything inside has been set on fire.”

“Your lab results are normal.”

I paid out of pocket to see a functional medicine doctor and was told I had Hashimoto’s.

Then, during one of my monthly wax appointments I asked the lady I had been seeing for the few months, “how come I used to be able to go months in-between appointments and now my hair seems to be growing in faster. Does it just depend on the quickness of the person’s hand? Is it the wax being used?”

We had built up a rapport and I felt comfortable with her so I decided to finally blurt out what had been bothering me for the past year. Why the heck am I having to get waxed more frequently?

“Girl you need to see your gynecologist. It sounds like your hormones have changed or there’s an imbalance.”

I made an appointment the next day and spent three months after confirming tests at the OBGYN. I had PCOS.

Hashimoto’s and PCOS. Two hormone imbalances duking it out inside my body. Is there a cure? No. PCOS only happens in women, and it doesn’t occur similarly in all women’s bodies meaning basically no research has been done and the only solution doctor’s prescribe is to get on birth control.

I am allergic to birth control.

Doctor’s won’t refer me to an endocrinologist because my labs are “normal.” I can’t get put on thyroid medicine because my lab results are “normal.” I went to the allergist and he told me he could do an allergy test but that it wouldn’t tell me exactly what I was allergic to, only a general idea. Example: nuts may cause me to flare but what kind of nut? Who knows. He didn’t do the test and charged me the $65 copay to see him.

For the past five years I’ve been trying to piece together a care plan for myself by trial and error (mostly error). I could go on and on about the frustration and disappointment with our healthcare system and how much a month I pay for health insurance but can’t get in to see a doctor…but that’s for another day. Today is supposed to be an update about my pitches for Don’t Forget to Tip Your Waitress.

Before we move onto that, let this little blurb be a reminder to continue advocating for yourself when you feel in your gut something is wrong. It may feel hard when a dude in a white coat is telling you you’re fine, but remember, you’re paying them. Ask the questions. And get second or third opinions.

Hell, ask another woman. Had I never opened my mouth to the woman giving me a wax, who knows how much longer it would’ve taken to know I had little cysts on my ovaries. And ever since, I’ve been vocal in my social groups about my hormonal imbalances and it has opened up a bigger conversation. So many women know other women in their life who are struggling with hormonal imbalances. I’ve gotten the most help from them. Women, what would we do without them.

Anyways, two big pitches have been sent out. I told you about Meg Thompson last week. This week’s pitch went to Brettne Bloom. I found her after Googling who edited The Invisible Life of Addie LeRue (one of my favorite reads in 2024. I’m talking top 3). It brought me to The Book Group’s site and I found her in the list of agents they employee.

Their submission guidelines had specifics with the email ask, what to put in the subject line and not to add any attachments. So I had to add a query letter and 10-page writing sample to one email. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to present this better? Because adding it all to the body of an email felt a bit wrong. I changed the font and formatting for the sample pages but still it felt…chaotic.

The Book Group wanted me to include who this book was for in the query letter. Here’s what I wrote:

This book is for the eldest daughters raised by wolves. Who grew up suffocated with adult responsibilities but had big dreams led by hope and pure spite. It’s for the kids who learned how to notice when the air shifted to help keep the peace but wanted more. And it’s for the ones who felt like their existence was a burden no matter how hard they tried to help. May this nonlinear climb to success remind anyone reading they’re capable of more and some of life’s best lessons are served by the people behind the counter.

I would go back and change a few sentences. The constant need to edit and look for better ways to say the same thing can drive me mad. Overall, done is better than perfection. We will see, right?

Until next week, friends.

I hope something good happens to you today. ❤

Path to Publication or Acceptance & Depression

TikTok is either trying to troll or humble me. The algorithm keeps feeding me videos of young ladies in their early twenties doing GRWM clips for class. They all start with an immaculate skincare routine before doing a full face of makeup then hair and cute outfit. Every lady looks so put together and fab. In my heart, I am one of these ladies.

I pretend to be put together before reality crashes in and reminds me I was showing up to class in men’s basketball shorts and a tank top or oversized hoodies and sweatpants that needed the waistband to be rolled two or three times so I wouldn’t trip.

While I have evolved from men’s basketball shorts and sweatpants, it would take a miracle to get me to their level, haha. And that’s okayyy, lol. I know I can’t be the only one.

Speaking of accepting reality. Remember when I said, brb, gonna chase my dreams? Well, it took longer than expected (that pandemic whooped my ass) but the manuscript is “finished.” I’ve been pitching it to literary agents since the beginning of January. My goal is one a week. All but two have sent me rejection emails so far.

The thanks but no thanks emails haven’t dampened my mood. It feels exciting to have made it to this part of the process after dragging my feet and self-sabotaging the editing stage for so long. All the nos just make me feel “official.” Hahaha.

This will probably wear off as time passes and the not for me but good luck notes stack up. Last week I pitched to Meg Thompson. She edited Men Have Called Her Crazy. Every hot-button-item topic was well fleshed out. There was personality emphasized in the writing. I don’t know, it’s hard to describe. My gut simply shouted out, her! She would be excellent for Don’t Forget to Tip Your Waitress.

I took an extra week to complete her submission form. A rejection from her will probably sting. But who knows, right?

One of her asks was for a website. So here I am, resurrecting RamblinRandol with a new and clearer purpose. Documenting (because I don’t wanna spill the beans on Instagram… yet) this (what I expect to be winding) path to publication or depression that leads to acceptance because maybe this idea I’ve had for the past ten years just isn’t in the cards.

Hoping to update you every Monday. We’ll see. I hate rules. Even ones proposed by me.

Byeeeee

Melissa McCarthy’s Bridesmaids Monologue Is The Reminder We All Need

Melissa McCarthy’s pep talk monologue with Kristen Wiig in Bridesmaids was what I needed to both see and hear.

Before I taint the pool with my aha moments, watch the clip or read the transcript below and take note of what stands out to you. Did you need reminding of something, too?