Blog – Page 3 – RamblinRandol

3 Questions To Ask Yourself To Identify Your Top Two Life Values According to Brené Brown

I learned a new life trick and my insides are bursting with giddiness to share. The life trick is about how to identify your top two life values in order to help you show up “in the arena” with tools to rumble with vulnerability, by filtering your responses or actions through those two life values, a.k.a. living into your values.

But first, let’s define a few Brene-isms for those of us who aren’t familiar with her lingo.

What does rumbling with vulnerability mean?

Vulnerability is defined as the emotion we experience during times of uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. Brown describes to rumble as “a discussion, conversation or meeting defined by a commitment to lean into vulnerability. It’s to stay curious and generous. In a rumble, you stick with the “messy middle” of problem identification and solving.

What does showing up in the arena mean?

It’s based on this Theodore Roosevelt quote:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; . . . who at the best knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.”

Showing up in the arena means to put ourselves out there for who we truly are and stand for what we believe in.

“A value is a way of being or believing that we hold most important”

What does living into your values mean?

It means that we do more than profess our values we practice them. We walk our talk — we are clear about what we believe and hold important, and we take care that our intentions, words, thoughts, and behaviors align with those beliefs.

In order to live into your values, you first have to be able to name them. Below is a list of values to get you started, write down 10-15 that jump out at you before narrowing your list down to your top two.

Yes, two, because according to Jim Collins, “if you have more than three priorities, you have no priorities.” Brown writes, “At some point, if everything on the list is important, then nothing is truly a driver for you. It’s just a gauzy list of feel-good words.

Before you start writing, consider these 5 statements from Brené to help chose:

You only have one set of values. They don’t shift based on personal or professional.
You can only pick two values. Circle 10-15 first and work down to your top two; you can’t stop until you’ve picked two.
Your two core values will correlate with the others you circled.
Be careful to not circle words that resemble something you’ve been coached to be, words that have never felt true for you.
A value is your North Star. It’s precise and clear. They’re the beliefs that are most important and dear to you, that help you find your way in the dark, that fill you with a feeling of purpose.

When I finished I had circled the max limit of fifteen and panicked trying to image pairing it down to two core values. A few rogue words that never felt true to me did get entered in the mix, once I noticed this and eliminated the two it did start to feel more manageable.

I won’t lie; it took me one full day to cement my final two. So take the time you need. This doesn’t have to be done today, instead make your goal to physically write down your top 10-15 first.

Three Questions to ask yourself According To Brené:

Does this define me?
Is this who I am at my best?
Is this a filter that I use to make hard decisions?

How did I wrangle down the rest of the vocab words? I thought back to uncomfortable situations and nailed down when I felt it went right or wrong. If that didn’t work, then I tried to imagine myself feeling backed into a corner emotionally and asked myself, would I filter my response through this value?

This helped narrow it down to four or five, and then I slept on it.

I’m having to fight the urge to make everyone I’m in contact with do this exercise, so I can have a better understanding of where everyone is coming from because I’m a learner (which made it to my top 10) and appreciate context.

This exercise gave me clarity not only about myself as a person but as to what I can do when my face is marred by dust and sweat and blood while striving valiantly in the arena. I hope it has given you some clarity, too.

COME BE MY FRIEND ON INSTAGRAM. I’M HILARIOUS OR BE MY PENPAL/DEAR DIARY SERIES 👇👇 & SIGN UP VIA THE LINK https://bit.ly/2wMpE29

How Do You Stay True To Your Roots?

My biggest fear is one day I’ll wake up and won’t recognize the face looking back at me in the mirror. I worry I’ll get wrapped up in materialistic values and forget my humble beginnings.

Well-fed cornfields, dairy farms, and long country roads paint my earliest memories. The seclusion allowed freedom to shoot off model rockets with Dad and build bonfires in the backyard. Mom taught us how to build castles with books and how to use the floor vents to make sheet forts when the furnace kicked on.

Happiness never related to possessions, and it wasn’t until much later I realized my family’s resourcefulness wasn’t out of creativity but necessity. Growing up with less (and helping to carry my parent’s adult problems at a young age) made me grind for success.

A common phrase in my house growing up was “figure it out on your own,” so I put my nose to the grindstone and worked full-time while attending (and paying) my way through college. It took me almost eight years to finally get my Bachelor’s. I could only do so many college credits at a time because unlike most of my classmates, I also held the responsibility of living on my own with no financial backing.

This ambition to never quit and continue to strive for better is what landed me here, out of the restaurant industry with a job that pays well and has “regular” (off on holidays and a routine 9 to 5 schedule), located in sunny Orange County, California.

Now, when I wake up in the morning I have choices of what I want for breakfast and drive on a freeway that’s frequently littered with million dollar homes and exotic supercars, not a cornfield in sight.

Jlo speaks about this in her song, Jenny From The Block. “Don’t be fooled with the rock’s that I’ve got, I’m still, I’m still Jenny from the block. Used to have a little now I have a lot. I’ll always know where I come from (the Bronx!).

Most of us haven’t gone from a private person to a public person making millions but we’ve all experienced some form of reckoning that’s forced us to reconcile with what once was compared to what is.

Living in Orange County I’ve seen what an excess of privilege does to a person. I fear eventually I’ll get used to this good life (affording Brie, aerial classes, and financial freedom my parents never had) and forget where I came from and the values that got me here.

Now, this might sound crazy because I’m not Jlo going from nothing to holy-shit-something…

…but for those of you who have dug themselves out of the deep pits to successfully changing your own stars, know what I’m talking about. This abrupt, yet painfully slow transition from past to present is internally conflicting. And man, can we talk about the guilt for a damn second?

There are some days I have a really hard time digesting how much money I spend now compared to ten years ago. A little rotten voice in the back of my head constantly questions is what I’m buying sensible and how I should be saving it instead.

The truth is I’m not spending money on frivolous items, it’s being invested in my physical and mental well being, which is a tough concept to digest. Also, how come it feels so strange to invest in me? Ugh, a blog post for another day.

So how do you make sure you don’t forget your roots?

There’s an old saying about acknowledging your path to success and the author from Bodhi Tree writes…

“There is no way to grow and strengthen if you are walking on flat ground. You have to climb. You have to fall and claw your way back up again, and when you emerge covered in dirt, sweat and smiles, it’s beautiful! It’s worth it. If you rub away the climb and the fall, you rub away the story itself.”

Basically? It’s practicing gratitude and honoring your struggle. Acknowledging a fear means you’re aware and won’t let ‘it’ happen because you’re not living with your head in a hole.

ps: I had an afterthought aha moment…what if staying true to your roots is just remembering your past, and bringing its best lessons and values with you everywhere you continue to go and grow? It’s not about reconciling, but an important piece of staying grounded.

COME BE MY FRIEND ON INSTAGRAM. I’M HILARIOUS OR BE MY PENPAL/DEAR DIARY SERIES 👇👇 & SIGN UP VIA THE LINK: https://bit.ly/2wMpE29

The Happiness Project: Your Next Read

Have you read The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin? If you have, what did you think? For those who haven’t read the book, don’t fear, I’m going to give you the book’s best bits.

Real quick for those who need and/or want context, the book is about one woman’s year dedicated to being a happier person. Each chapter provides action items to complete the month’s happiness theme. For example, chapter one (January) focused on boosting energy: her action items were going to sleep earlier, exercising better, de-cluttering, tackling a nagging task and act more energetic when she felt herself feeling exhausted.

And JIC you’ll never pick up this book, here are some takeaways, my best bits, and one personal truth you might need to hear, too.

<< keep scrolling >>

Examine your true rules. Identify the ones that are conflicting and/or unhelpful. Pay attention to the ones that are beneficial. Your true rules are mental rules of thumb or quick commonsense principles you apply to solve a problem. Example: nothing good happens after 2 AM or always greet people with a smile. What if “always in a hurry” and “enjoy the moment” are part of your true rules, it’s conflicting–work on getting rid of “always in a hurry.”
When your mind starts to go negative, flip the script and think of something funny that’ll make you laugh.
Acknowledge what makes you happy and not what you wished made you happy and do what makes you happy.
Look for happiness.
Quit waiting for ‘something special’ to use the good china or dress up nice.
“When one loves, one does not calculate.” – St. Therese of Lisieux
Play. Make more time for doing the ridiculous. Not every moment of the day needs to be efficient and productive. Lighten up.

Tips for getting your sweetheart to do chores–without nagging:

No carping from the sidelines: if your sweetheart made the travel arrangements, don’t criticize the flight time.
Suggest tasks without words: leave a note, put an empty container on the counter.
Limit yourself to one word: Instead of barking out, “I’ve told you a dozen times, stop off at the grocery store, we need milk!” Say, “Milk!”
Don’t insist that a task be done on your schedule.
Have clear assignments. My Hubs gets the car washed, I water the lawn.
Every once in a while, do your hunny’s chore.

Tips for getting a boost of energy in the next 10 minutes:

Go outside into the sunlight.
Go for a brisk walk.
Act with energy.
Listen to your favorite upbeat song.
Tackle an item on your to-do list.
Clean up!
Drink some coffee – it gets a bad rap depending on what article you read, but remember everything in moderation.

We’re more like other people, and less like other people than we suppose.
Things often get harder before they get easier.
It’s easier to keep up than catch up.
The things that go wrong often make the best memories.
We can’t make people change, but when we change others change and a relationship can change.
Most decisions don’t require extensive research.
Working is one of the most dangerous forms of procrastination.
Every room should include something purple.
Nothing stays in Vegas.
When the student is ready, the teacher appears.
Don’t expect to be motivated by motivation.
Everything looks better arranged on a tray.
Something that can be done at any time is often done at no time.
It’s easier to change your surroundings than yourself.
Starting again is harder than starting.
Go slow to go fast.
The days are long but the years are short.

How many of these feel true to you? Number one has always felt true to me and number four is both hilariously and painstakingly true, but don’t even get me started on number seven…

I work myself silly in all different directions in order to be too exhausted to chip away at my ‘write a book’ goal. This book idea (a couple if I’m being honest…) has been in my head for the last five years, FIVE. When will I push past my own self-doubt and fear to tackle this dream?

Do you have a dream you distract yourself from doing?

I think step one (for me) needs to be to schedule it into my weekly routine and then stick to it so I make it a habit. Other times I think I just need a secluded environment for three days to knock it out. Oh yeah, and accountability. Maybe I need to pay my Hubs $20 every time I flake on myself, that’s motivational…hahaha.

COME BE MY FRIEND ON INSTAGRAM. I’M HILARIOUS OR BE MY PENPAL/DEAR DIARY SERIES 👇👇 & SIGN UP VIA THE LINK: https://bit.ly/2wMpE29

May is Mental Health Awareness Month

May is mental health awareness month and I wanted to dedicate this week’s post to remind everyone how important it is to keep the conversation about mental health-relevant.

Did you know:

1 in 5 young people in the U.S. has a diagnosable mental health disorder before age 18.
Half of the adults who struggle with a lifetime mental illness had symptoms before age 14, but most received no help.
Only about 1.3 of kids with mental health problems today receive any treatment.
Every dollar invested in children’s mental health saves $7 in future public costs.
Suicide is the second leading cause of death among young people ages 10-24.
Stigma, denial, and lack of access to care are barriers to healing.
The earlier a child receives high-quality, evidence-based care, while the brain is rapidly developing, the greater the possibility of a positive outcome.

I’ve started to align myself with brands and people who are invested in self-care and mental health. The T-shirt company Self Care Is For Everyone does both and I am IN LOVE WITH THEM.

Its mission is to normalize the conversation around mental health and provide gentle reminders to our community of their inherent self-worth by emphasizing the importance of self-care in hopes of creating a future in which suicide and self-harm become things of the past. Also, 10% from the sales on our site go to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255), which provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, across the United States.

This is also their definition of self-care that I love to read every once in a while for a healthy reminder it’s okay to put myself first.

To be able to take care of others, you must first learn to take care of yourself. Self-care is often used as a vague term but put simply, self-care is anything you do to be good to yourself. Self-care is consciously choosing to be kind to yourself in whatever capacity you need. This includes being compassionate in the way you speak to yourself. Self-care is needed for the well being of your mental health & your physical health.

Ironically enough, when struggling with a mental illness, basic self-care becomes the least of your worries. However, your mental health, physical health, and spiritual health are all connected and caring for all three can be a crucial part of the recovery process. While self-care means something different to each person you meet, we all need it to survive. Self-care is understanding how you recharge, or what you need in order to feel the strength to take care of everything else going on in your life. Having a self-care practice forces you to get to know yourself on a deeper level, to better understand what you might need in a given moment. Do you need to lay down and listen to music for a bit? Do you need to go for a walk? Or do you need to make time to catch up with an old friend?

I plan on buying a size small in every shirt possible, basically. I have the “Grow Through What You Go Through” and “You Are Enough” t-shirts, they’re the perfect reminder for me.

Click here if you’re curious to see if they’ve got a shirt perfect for you too!

What will you do for yourself this month?

COME BE MY FRIEND ON INSTAGRAM. I’M HILARIOUS OR BE MY PENPAL/DEAR DIARY SERIES 👇👇 & SIGN UP VIA THE LINK: EEPURL.COM/DIENVJ

Your Next Read: The Hate U Give

I’m currently reading The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas and I have to be honest, chapter two knocked me on my ass and I really appreciated it.

Its title is a nod to THUG LIFE—The Hate U Give Little Infants Fucks Everybody—an acronym coined by rapper Tupac that encapsulates the cyclical nature of crime, poverty, and hate as a result of racism.

The second chapter is where Starr’s (main character) friend Khalil is shot and killed by an officer. He is unarmed.

And I don’t know who needs to hear this but…

When a cop pulls me over, I get sweaty. When a cop is driving behind me, my heart races. When I see cops in my neighborhood, I get nervous and feel myself go on alert.

I get sweaty because I know I’m not getting out of this ticket he’s about to write me (I’ve never managed to get out of one). My heart races because I’m hoping he’s not about to pull me over. I get nervous because the presence of a cop never means anything good is happening.

Never do I ever get sweaty, nervous, or whatever, because I am in fear of being killed. And that’s the difference.

COME BE MY FRIEND ON INSTAGRAM. I’M HILARIOUS OR BE MY PENPAL/DEAR DIARY SERIES 👇👇 & SIGN UP VIA THE LINK: EEPURL.COM/DIENVJ

Proof It Changed My Trajectory

As I often tell teachers–some of our most important leaders–we can’t always ask our students to take off the armor at home, or even on their way to school, because their emotional and physical safety may require self-protection. But what we can do, and what we are ethically called to do, is create a space in our schools and classrooms where all students can walk in and, for that day or hour, take off the crushing weight of their armor, hang it on a rack, and open their heart to truly being seen.

We must be guardians of a space that allows students to breathe and be curious and explore the world and be who they are without suffocation. They deserve one place where they can rumble with vulnerability and their hearts can exhale. And what I know from the research is that we should never underestimate the benefit to a child of having a place to belong–even one–where they can take off their armor. It can and often does change the trajectory of their life.

– Brene Brown, Dare To Lead

I am proof a safe place changed the trajectory of my life.

You know that saying, “being welcomed with open arms,” I don’t remember a feeling a sense of welcomeness or openness when I was younger. “Constantly on edge,” is more accurate.

It didn’t feel like I had space to breathe. There was a suffocating pressure to be the best and it left no room for error.

When I think back to where I felt safest as a young adult my Highschool band room pops to the front of mind. I knew who I was in that room and Mr. Ponder was a calm dude who didn’t lead with guilt or shame. He genuinely cared for his students and never picked me apart, or anyone else for that matter.

Unfortunately, the band room wasn’t a day in and day out constant. It took twenty-seven years for me to find my safe place and another two years to trust it. I fought the ‘safe feeling’ because my mind and body didn’t know how to respond, and the two who were creating it for me weren’t the people who I thought should be the ones doing it.

Can I trust this soft place to land when it’s being given to me by my bosses? They’re not obligated by blood or marriage, is this how it should be, is this allowed? ps: I get hung up on shoulds and rules. #workingonit

If you’re like me, you need an example of this soft place to land because it didn’t compute in my head for a long time, so here we go:

My first “oh-shit-I-fucked-up-big” moment came about six or seven months into the new job. I was designing an e-blast for The Knot and spent a full week designing and editing content to create the best call to action, possible. Somehow I didn’t notice until after the email went out I had embedded the wrong link and was sending thousands of people to an incorrect event page.

I almost barfed. The word mortified doesn’t cut it. I quickly edited the page the users were being sent to, to represent the event we were advertising for but it took an hour to correct. Accountability is huge in my book so I prepared myself for a tongue lashing and the possibility I’d get fired.

Ya know what I got? “These things happen, you’re human.” If your mouth is gaping open and touching the floor, #twins. I didn’t know what to do or say, all I remember was feeling uncomfortable and wishing she had shouted at me instead. Wtf am I supposed to do with…kindness and understanding?

And fuck, just had another aha-moment. I’d rather be shouted at? In what world does that make sense. I’ve been following a pattern unbeknown to me until this very flippin’ second. Ready for this? Big breaths…

I’ve been striving for perfection and ultimately falling short, which would lead me to fess up to the ‘leaders’ in my life (bosses/parents) and their response was a consistent shouting and/or belittlement before being ‘allowed’ to move on until the next time it happened, and then the same pattern would occur.

Eventually, I didn’t feel better until someone had followed through on their part. And because I thought this was healthy behavior I’m guilty of shouting to release frustration. How sick am I for thinking it was therapeutic? #workingonit #therapyisawesome

This kind of openness to welcome me as is set the foundation for a soft place to land. Maybe some of you reading are thinking, “no, this is an example of your bosses being lenient.” Tell me what good comes from making a person feel smaller? Do you work harder for those type of leaders?

It wasn’t one instance, either. It’s been a compilation of little moments where it would’ve been easy to criticize or put me down and they choose not too. Instead, they reminded me I was enough and worth it. Constantly filling me up with feeling enough and worth it.

This new space encouraged me to read self-empowerment books, get into therapy, deal with traumas I’d buried, and shed a layer of crushing armor. It felt hippy-dippy at first and not for people ‘like me.’

But guess what? My spirit feels lighter, my life feels happier, and I appreciate my relationship with my Hubs ten times more than I did before. My head comes up for air more frequently instead of keeping my nose on the grindstone.

It changed the trajectory of my life. I’m proof.

COME BE MY FRIEND ON INSTAGRAM. I’M HILARIOUS OR BE MY PENPAL/DEAR DIARY SERIES 👇👇 & SIGN UP VIA THE LINK: http://eepurl.com/dienvj

My First Trip To The Upper Left

A city built on top of a city surrounded by water and formerly known as the Queen City of the Pacific Northwest and the Gateway to Alaska is where I spent a long weekend last week.

Seattle was wicked cool, and worth the agonizing plane ride…kinda. The weather was gorgeous, sun shining for half the day and a cool haze for the remainder. It sprinkled a few times and I saw snow while hiking up Mt. Tiger!

On Friday I hiked it up to Kerry Park for one of the best views of the cityscape, ate BBQ inside the armory at the Seattle Center, walked through Sculpture Park, and finished the evening with a drink and an old friend at The Edgewater Hotel that has a view like no other. Sit in the lobby and order a drink during happy hour, you won’t be sorry.

Saturday started at Pike Place Market with rows of fresh flowers, cheese churning across the street at Beechers and the longest Starbucks line you’ll ever see for convenient coffee. The afternoon was filled with a hidden lighthouse and a bike ride down the boardwalk at Alki Beach with another spectacular view of the cityscape and futuristic Space Needle.

I got an early start on the day Sunday with a long hike up Mt. Tiger with the same old friend and her husband. But first, we made a pitstop at Caffe Ladro and got one of the best damn cups of coffee, ever. I went for round two on Monday morning, too.

After the mountain whooped our asses (literally) and we refueled at a local Mediterranean eatery, they dropped me off at my hotel and I wandered down to Pioneer Square where I hopped on Bill Speidel’s Underground Tour. It came recommended and I too highly recommend it if you find yourself in Seattle.

Seattle is a city built on top of a city because of a massive fire and unstable (very wet) ground. This tour takes you down to the basement of Seattle where you can walk the old roads and learn the city’s history, like how The Emerald City was actually built by a woman and her…”seamstress” business.

I ate dinner at Petite Toulouse and got the spicy shrimp, homemade andouille and crawfish onto cheesy grits. The beignets are not like the ones you find in NOLA but they are at least the right shape. Also, STOP serving them with coffee sauce. I need raspberry!

Monday morning started the same way, at Caffe Ladro with The Perfect Bar for breakfast. After a semi-lazy morning, I hit up MoPop and got lost in its Prince, Fantasy, and Horror Fiction exhibits. Two hours later it was time to head back to the hotel and call an Uber to the airport.

The greenery and fresh air were exactly what I needed and I’m looking forward to more adventures this year. When I go back to Seattle, what should I check out next?

COME BE MY FRIEND ON INSTAGRAM. I’M HILARIOUS.

OR

BE MY PENPAL/DEAR DIARY SERIES 👇👇 & SIGN UP VIA THE LINK

eepurl.com/dienvj

The App That Helped Me Get Back In The Fitness Game

Can I just say, there are SO many health and fitness coaches on Instagram it’s kinda insane. I follow a couple chicks I respect but…other than that, lawd. have. mercy.

A few years ago my health and fitness routine spiraled into an unhealthy obsession. Living in Orange County, California, does come with an unsaid pressure to be fit, healthy, and young, but my addictive personality definitely added fuel to the awaiting fire.

Two strict diets, working out twice a day, not focusing on nutrition and feeling like I was running for dessert eventually tipped me over. After nearly two years on the hamster wheel, I finally fell off. And when I look back it’s easy to see it was only a matter of time.

I dropped to working out once a day, and then every other day, and then twice a week, and then oops skipped a week. All the while my caloric intake stayed the same and never adjusted to my new limited cardio. Twelve pounds (I stopped weighing myself after I gained twelve) and eight months later, I finally got myself back on the wagon and started practicing a balance between food and exercise.

Changing my mindset was priority number one, fixing my relationship with food was number two and finding a fitness routine I enjoyed was number three. And two apps helped me get number three situated.

7M for Women and ClassPass.

7M for Women is a FREE app with a variety of timed workouts. At the end of each session the same voice narrating your workout also tells you, “congratulations, work out complete,” and I was here for it. I needed that kind of affirmation in my life because it didn’t matter how long the workout was, I still got a congratulation.

ps: 7M stands for 7 minutes, as in a 7-minute workout, you still get a congratulations because showing up counts for something.

ClassPass isn’t free, but the cheapest plan I was on helped me figure out what kind of classes I would want to invest my money in monthly, which led me to aerial fitness classes.

Never would I ever imagine I’d be putting my thing down, flipping it, and reversing it up on the silks and hoop, but here I am six months later and loving it. I live for my Wednesday night classes because once a week I prove to myself I can do the previously imagined, impossible.

But here’s the thing, I made a promise with myself I wasn’t going to over do it, meaning I wasn’t going to get competitive and only believe the workout counted if I was the best in the class and could outperform. Instead, my mindset was singularly focused on me, reminding myself I was doing it for me and for fun.

Day one is better than one day.

COME BE MY FRIEND ON INSTAGRAM. I’M HILARIOUS.

or

Be my penpal 👇👇 & sign up via the link

eepurl.com/dienvj

5 Minutes of Kindness Goes A Long Way

All week on Instagram my topic has been centered around the importance of finding confidence and feeling powerful as women. Today’s post was going to be based around the same topic, but then I went to a conference in San Diego and something wonderful happened…

ps: I love San Diego. Every year, right around this time, I attend a marketing conference where I get to be a nobody in a sea of people, learning new tricks of my trade and it’s my absolute favorite. When I turn the corner from Kettner to get onto Harbor and see the two ginormous Hyatt skyscrapers, I feel home. I don’t take this for granted.

On the trek to my hotel I bustled past a number of homeless. The sun had gone down so the temp was dipping into the low 50s and I couldn’t help but feel extremely privileged (then a little guilty) as I scurried past them with a full stomach, a bag full of clothes, and on my way to a hotel where a big warm bed (that I didn’t have to share with my husband) was waiting for me.

The next morning I still felt this pull inside my heart to do something for those I’d be walking past that morning who were packing up their sleeping bag. All of a sudden I remembered I had a leftover snack pack from the train ride in the night before and decided this small thing might be capable of making someone else’s day that much sweeter, so I grabbed it as I walked out my room and spent the elevator ride pumping myself up to not chicken out.

For those of you who don’t know, I do an annual fundraiser every year in November for homeless youth. I spend one night out on the street in front of Covenant House California so that another kid doesn’t have to. This is my passion, but I’m human and learned Stranger Danger so it’s still a little nerve wracking because you’re not a fortune teller and won’t be able to know how your good intentions will be received.

As the elevator doors opened my game plan was solid. I would walk my route and the first person who looked at me, said good morning, or smiled at me (basically letting them make the first move, sorta), I would ask, “do you need some food? I have some extra.”

Having a plan and what I’m going to say makes me feel solid. So off I went and it didn’t take more than 50 feet for me to give away my snack pack.

He was an older gentleman digging through a trash can, possibly for recyclables, possibly for food, and he was next to the crosswalk I needed to get across Harbor, and I think when I didn’t walk around him to avoid him, he looked up at me and said, “good morning.”

I told him good morning, and asked him if he needed food. All he could muster was shaking his head. He didn’t reach out his hand until he saw I was indeed handing him the box. After he grabbed it I told him I hope he had a good day and I was off. The whole scenario was less than 5-minutes.

By no means did I do anything to make his day better. A snack pack from the train isn’t going to end world hunger, but I’m hoping I made his morning a little brighter and it took absolutely nothing from me to do it (besides the balls).

I put the whole exchange on my stories and fought back tears while telling it. There is something about the look he gave me when I asked him if he needed food that tipped my emotions overboard. So I decided the next two morning I’d be doing the same thing.

After the keynote speaker on Monday night I went to the gym to run and work off some of the pent up energy I had after sitting all day. When I was finished and looking for some water, I noticed a bowl of apples…

Yes, I pulled a Ross and took a handful of apples knowing I’d be giving them away the next morning. Earlier that afternoon I had also stocked piled a cup of nuts from the conference with the same intention.

Tuesday morning I walked out from my hotel with a ziplock baggy filled with two apples and a coffee cup filled of dry nuts. I gave it to a man who was brushing his hair and when I asked him if he needed some extra food, he paused.

“Of course, yes! Yes, yes! Sorry, I don’t know where my head was there, I was off thinking about something else and wasn’t expecting…yes, yes, I would love some food, thanks.”

Day Three: I raided the gym bowl of apples again from my run the night before, had another cup of nuts, and two Kashi bars I had grabbed from home as my “just in case” snacks during the conference.

An older man who had said good morning to me got one of the apples and then asked me where I was from, I told him originally from Buffalo, and he said, “okay thanks, have a good day.”

I was saving the majority of my hoard for a family who popped up the night before, a man, woman, and two small children. They didn’t acknowledge me, I said good morning and the gentleman jumped a little like he was caught off guard.

“Do you need some food?”

Nobody deserves to be hungry. We all fall on hard times, some of them are harder than others. There is plenty of food in this world to go around and I think we ought to start sharing it.

A 5-minute gesture of kindness could change the world if done once, twice, or three times a week. You never know.

Stay kind my friends. Happy Thursday!

COME BE MY FRIEND ON INSTAGRAM. I’M HILARIOUS.

Blank Stare & Nod

My brain has been fried hard and served up on a stale piece of toast. The last five months have a re-reoccurring theme; lack of control and this constant wake up call has flared up my anxiety about an upcoming girl’s trip to Seattle. Is the universe teaching me to let go of control so that when my plane goes down at the end of March, I’ll be at peace? Anxiety is a bitch.

If I had to sum up the last four-ish/five months it would be placed in a folder labeled, Are You Fucking Kidding Me! The short of it is multiple car accidents, one less car, Hubs out of work for 7-weeks due to injury from said accident which equals limited dough, to family turmoil, some more family turmoil, and if I continue it would no longer be “the short of it.”

Point being, I’m going through some shit and it’s been hard to stay positive, which is super relatable because we’ve all been there, feeling like someone took out our brains and scrambled them up while we watched with no idea how to take the spatula away.

And because I have anxiety and panic attacks, what do I do? Think, think, and think some more, because that’s what I can control and what feels ‘routine’ for my brain to do. And of course, it’s not the healthy thinking it’s the let’s think about the worst possible scenario and keep thinking about the worst that can happen until I can feel it tightening my chest and wah-lah, panic!

The upside? I’m still here, practicing gratitude and trying my best. This is what matters. I am trying my best.

How do I combat my anxiety and panic? What has worked for me is taking deep breaths and focusing on each inhale and exhale, when I was younger I used to count them but now the simple in and out of breath calms me.

Why don’t I get a prescription? Addiction runs in my family, both with alcohol and pills, so I don’t want to tempt the beast.

What has also helped me in more recent times is focusing on my own health both physically and mentally, and that I don’t need to learn how to conquer my anxiety, just know how to live with it and how to give myself grace when I can’t keep a handle on it because sometimes…

The only thing I can muster is a blank stare and a nod, and that’s okay.

COME BE MY FRIEND ON INSTAGRAM. I’M HILARIOUS.